There is always one

There is always one person you have to hate during every stage of your life. Okay, maybe you don't have to hate him, but the person with the potential to be hated is always there. It may be a different person for each event, but there is always one. Right now mine is my Social Psychology professor. If I used phrases like cunt or ass clown or life-sucking bastard that is what he would be. But I don't use words like that.

Counting Down

So much to count down to! It is like everything is moving in slow motion while coming at me like a bullet train. In less than two weeks I'll be taking two finals. In less than two weeks I'll be stepping off a plane in Virgina as Ms. Janice Gatlin and, five days later, returning to Texas Mrs. Benjamin Bear. In less than four weeks I'll be turning in projects and taking two more finals. In less than seven weeks I'll be throwing a dinner party to celebrate, oh I don't know, the new year, Hava and Ryan's first baby, and MY NEW MARRIAGE. Can you believe it? I can't, but can you?

Counting Down

So much to count down to! It is like everything is moving in slow motion while coming at me like a bullet train. In less than two weeks I'll be taking two finals. In less than two weeks I'll be stepping off a plane in Virgina and Ms. Janice Gatlin and, five days later, returning to Texas Mrs. Benjamin Bear. In less than four weeks I'll be turning in projects and taking two more finals. In less than seven weeks I'll be throwing a dinner party to celebrate, oh I don't know, the new year, Hava and Ryan's first baby, and MY NEW MARRIAGE. Can you believe it? I can't, but can you?

Emily!

On issuing good advice:
  "If it is slimy, stiff and has wet parts you won't want to put it in your mouth."

It's so wrong, but I couldn't resist

Sometimes kids say things that you know - you just know- is something you will never ever be able to say in mixed company as an adult. So, without further ado,per Emily:"If it is slimy, stiff and has wet parts you won't want to put it in your mouth."

Anything you want done right...

For the past two months my poor boy has been kickin' it with his fleet in Bahrain. Except for the heat and the massive amount of work, things there haven't been too bad for him. I mean, at least it isn't a war zone. Currently. But now it is time for him to come home. No really, the Navy deemed it so, not me. Sadly, all the important folk got on their convenient little commercial flights leaving Ben and the enlisteds to wait for an Air Force flight from Kuwait. They got all packed up and woke before the sun only to wait hours before finding out the plane was broken. Rinse and repeat times two. That is three flight manifests, almost a week of waiting around airports and hotels, and a bunch of anxious families waiting. Lucky me, Em and I are in Texas so his arrival in Virginia is not something our lives hinge upon. Still, I don't want my boy waiting for or flying on a broken aircraft. I want him stateside and I want it NOW. I realize it'll be Thanksgiving before I can actually get up there to see him (stupid University does not count "sex up my Naval Officer" as an excused absence - come on people! There is a war going on!), but I want him safe and comfortable. I tell you what; if the air force does not get that plane in the air this week I'll fix the damn thing myself.

In less than three weeks I should be married. I say should because we are on a rather tight time schedule and any little hiccup will prevent a vow exchange over the Thanksgiving holidays. Still, all that is very good. My boy should be back "across the pond" by tomorrow night. It will be so nice to have only an hour difference between us instead of nine. Also, I can get back to calling him instead of just waiting waiting waiting for him to call me. Emily can also call him. How great is it she is in love with him? And he her. Most fantastic indeed. News Year Eve will be the "big reception." Emily will get to be there for that and she is super stoked. We got a really great venue with a talented chef, the photographer is a chum of mine from High School and one of my friends from the recently closed florist shoppe is handling the decorations. It's going to be so nice and really intimate - maybe 40 guests. Emily has been adorably involved in all outfit choices, menu tweaking, and input on the decor.

Yeah, I'm pretty lucky.

Time marches on

But time makes you bolderChildren get olderI'm getting older tooAnd do I ever feel it. Old, that is. Old, but good. Mostly good.In less than three weeks I should be married. I say should because we are on a rather tight time schedule and any little hiccup will prevent a vow exchange over the Thanksgiving holidays. Still, all that is very good. My boy should be back "across the pond" by tomorrow night. It will be so nice to have only an hour difference between us instead of nine. Also, I can get back to calling him instead of just waiting waiting waiting for him to call me. Emily can also call him. How great is it she is in love with him? And he her. Most fantastic indeed.News Year Eve will be the "big reception." Emily will get to be there for that and she is super stoked. We got a really great venue with a talented chef, the photographer is a chum of mine from High School (McCombs - its Tremayne if you still check this), and one of my friends from the recently closed florist shoppe is handling the decorations. It's going to be so nice and really intimate - maybe 40 guests. Emily has been adorably involved in all outfit choices, menu tweaking, and input on the decor. She is a great kid and I'm pretty lucky.The things that make life less than all good are work and school. At work the pay is good, the hours are good, most of the guys working there are good. The guy that isn't good is actually Ben's brother. He just lives in a different world with a completely different set of ethics. I showed up and now he's on his way out. Pretty much every time I show up his life goes to shit. I'm sure he loves me for it. For those paying attention this is Kimberlee's ex-husband. Yeah, THAT Kimberlee. School is the other source of suckage. My grades are less than stellar which means a May graduation may be less plausible than originally thought. It is just hard to stay motivated when half of one's professors are, well, they suck. I guess I got spoiled by all those enthusiastic, knowledgeable, overachieving professors I had in previous semesters. We'll just keep our fingers crossed that his semester and the next get completed.That means job searching and moving this summer! Yippee!!

Emily!

On culinary diversity:
"Mommy, that cake did not taste good to me. It had too much German in it." ~ Emily in reference to Donna's German cake, but I'm pretty sure she was talking about the coconut.

On capitalism:
E: Mommy, where do you have to go after you drop me off?
J: To work, then school. E: Why do you have to go to so many places?
J: Because going to work and to school help teach me to be a better person.
E: Are you sure it is not so you can make money because that would make more sense.

On transitions:
E: After Aunt Donna's where are we going to live?
J: We are going to move in with Ben
E: Oh boy! For how long?
J: I'm angling for forever
E: Cool! How many nights is that?

And Now, Some Details

I ended my summer with a most fantastic visit to Virginia Beach. One day while Ben worked and I sat on the floor of the computer room he asked if I wanted to get hitched. I thought it was a joke. It wasn't. He wanted to go right then. I looked at him and blinked about forty times. Unfortunately, I had neither my birth certificate nor divorce decree with me so that option was out. After coming to that conclusion we decided we'd go for it in November when he gets back stateside. Then he wanted to know if I was going to get up and kiss him. I climbed into his lap and covered him with love. I am ecstatic. Emily tells me if I marry Ben we can stand together and she will throw flowers at us and it will be beeee-u-ti-ful. I'm so happy and the congratulations I've gotten have really added to that. Thanks for all your support over the past few rough years. I may finally have things together. Plus, I'm in love!

I'm getting married!

For you, tomorrow can't come soon enough

Dear Emily,
Tomorrow you will be four years old. You are my baby and you will be four. FOOOOOUUUUURRRR. It is mind boggling. You are so tall now and made of 75% wonderfulness. Three was by far harder than us than "the terrible twos," but four is looking good. Very good. It is as if someone flipped a switch a few weeks ago and my opinionated, tantrum-throwing, boundary-pushing, spoiled princess suddenly became an opinionated, semi-logical, articulate, considerate, polite, and only slightly stubborn princess.
Some of this, I am sure, is due to your increased capacity to mimic. You are fortunate to be surrounded by considerate and polite people. A lot of your conversations sound rehearsed, but I know your little mind is busily assembling scenarios and appropriate phrases. Sometimes your concern for how my day went or whether somebody slept well is overwhelming in cuteness. It is beautiful to see.
You have also put together a pretty complex database of morals. You recognize people who are not acting "beautiful on the inside" and declare it is because "they are focusing on the wrong things." It is amazing. Of course, to internalize all this new information regarding behavior requires you to ask a lot of question. A lot. All the time. It is not at all wearying. In part, I think you want confirmation that your interpretation of a situation is correct. Who doesn't want a little affirmation every now and then? the other part is just that you have a good grasp on some simpler concepts and are ready to have more complicated issues explained to you. You are a curious girl. Occasionally, I have heard the word "why" come out of your mouth at a frequency that has prompted me to ask why you ask so many questions. You answer simply that you are " a little gir-ul and that is your jo-ob." Fair enough.
The biggest hurdle for me though, is food. After months of resorting to pb&j, cereal, toast, cheese, and fruit you have decided you need to try EVERYTHING. Green enchiladas. Salsa. Special K. Cream cheese. a stick of butter. I could not be happier. Maybe next week we can try for sushi. Further, you are cooking. COOKING! I got you your own cookbook with pictorial steps and you have made dinner for Donna and I twice now. Your caesar salad was amazing. Your cheesy bread was lacking. The bonding has been priceless.
Love, Mommy

Seriously?

Sunday, Jesse and Crystal dropped off Emily after what sounds like a great weekend together. That's when I noticed it. Crystal is wearing an engagement ring. Not just any engagement ring, though. Oh no. It is an exact replica of the ring Jesse gave me all those years ago. Geez. So she recently accepted a job at Bottom Line Bookkeeping (where I worked when Jesse and I got engaged and the first couple of years we were married) and she is wearing my engagement ring. Is it just me or is all this a little Stepford-esque?

Hobby

If you drink the recommended daily ounces of water your new hobby will be peeing.

I'm so damn hungry

This summer I'm enrolled in a Yoga/Health Class for my kinesiology credit. As part of the class I had to calculate my ideal weight and caloric intake and keep a food diary showing an effort to be healthy. I am supposed to consume somewhere between 1400 and 1500 calories a day.I think it is killing me- I'm so damn hungry that all I can think about is food.Right now, for instance, I am pondering a hamburger with cheese and bacon. Yesterday I could not stop thinking of quesadillas. Plus, I'm trying to drink the recommended amount of water per day. Do you know that if you drink all the water you are supposed to in a day you will gain a new hobby? You will. It is called peeing like a racehorse every hour. So far today I have had three and a half glasses and I have gone to the bathroom six times since I got up at 6:45. I do not have time for this many calls from nature. It would be different if the water were helping with the hunger but it is not. Can I seriously fail a class for refusing to give up calories? Argh!

Emily!

On the art of giving:
J: What do you want to get Freddie and B-Bob for their birthday?
E: Ummm, I think we should get them a kitten!
J: Oh Baby, you know what? We really can't get other people's kids live animals.
E: *gasp* Mama! We cannot give Freddie and B-Bob a dead kitten.
J: No! Of course not. I was thinking we would get them some toys.
E: Yeah!...Or a turtle!

On homemaking:
J: Baby, isn't this ice cream good? Did you know Aunt Donna made this from scratch? She didn't just buy it at the store.
E: Aunt Donna? Dis ice cream is good. Did you buy it or did you make it from scabbity?

Can I be a kid again?

I just got back from Virginia Beach with that boy I love. As is typical with vacations it was all over way to soon, but not for all they typical reasons. Okay, mostly just because time with Ben is always too short. Virginia Beach is otherwise not my cup of tea. This is problematic. When I graduate in May the plan was to move up there and in with Ben. But now....ewwww. Ben will be gone for six months at a time leaving Emily and I all alone in a place where we know no-one and like very little. I'm just not sure the love of one boy is enough to make that kind of change. We talked about it a little and it pretty much comes down to "we'll wait and see." Once we know his deployment schedule and the availability of jobs we'll have a better idea about what we really want. In truth though, being a grown up kind of sucks and I'd like to be a kid again.

How to annoy me

Who came up with the tag-line "Have a happy period?"

Seriously?

Who came up with the tagline "Have a happy period?"

Emily!

J: It is a special thing to marry someone.
E: Mama, do you know what else is special? When you twirl fire.

Emily!

Isn't it funny when one of the very things that drive you insane is the thing that helps you maintain your sanity?

On properly addressing people:
E: Mama, you can't drink dat juice, dat's for kids.
J: Well, I don't want to be an adult anymore so until I finish this juice box I'm a kid.
a few minutes pass
E: Excuse me, Mama! No, I mean: Hey you, kid! Can I have a pizza roll?

On mechanics and biology:
E: I went potty.
J: Did you flush the toilet.
E: No because it is too loud so if I flush it somebody will get knocked up.

On synonyms:
J: Hey Sabrina, I like how your towel matches your bathing suit.
E: Yes, it is very posh.
M: Emily, what does posh mean?
E. I don't know, but I think it is a fancy word for coat.

How to annoy me

Have you tried to buy toilet paper lately? It's nearly impossible. You can, however, purchase "bath tissue." Like there is some person sitting around saying "our customers find that wiping their behinds with toilet paper is offensive. No one wants to think of those big fluffy rolls as something associated with defecation. From here on out, we shall refer to our product as "bath tissue." Now, doesn't that sound much nicer?"

Where oh where?

Have you tried to buy toilet paper lately? It's nearly impossible. You can, however, purchase "bath tissue." Like there is some person sitting around saying "our customers find that wiping their behinds with toilet paper is offensive. No one wants to think of those big fluffy rolls as something associated with defecation. From here on out, we shall refer to our product as "bath tissue." Now, doesn't that sound much nicer?"

How to charm me

Even though it has been nine years since his hair was long, I still catch him absently tucking it behind his ear when he's reading. I love that.

Even though it has been nine years since his hair was long, I still catch him absently tucking it behind his ear when he's reading. I love that.

Emily!

on cardio exercise:
E: Mama, why doesn't dat man have his shirt on?
J: Well, Baby, some people don't like to wear a shirt when they run. It helps 'em stay cooler.
E: When I am a grown up sometimes I'm going to take my shirt off and exercise.
J: In general ladies leave their shirts on when they exercise. Just the boys run without shirts.
E: Nooooo! Just me! Only I am going to take my shirt off.
J: Someday you are going to make your husband very happy.
E: Who's my husband?
J: I don't know yet.
E: Well just think real hard.

What a week. If it wasn't one thing it was another and I am stressed to the max! A week ago Friday we got the horrible news that the daughter of my coworkers, Brandon and Tiffany Verzal, was dropped and suffered from major head trauma. She's only 18 months old and it is just heartbreaking to see her with all those tubes in her and that horrid red bump-gash on her forehead. Her progress has been halting, but she is making progress. Still, I hurt for her and her family. It is ridiculous to stress over someone else's troubles, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't. I also go the news that friend's brother was killed by a drug overdose. Why do people have to be stupid? Is the feeling that goo? Good enough to die for? Really? So on top of digesting all that, the school work and the work work and that parenting thing I do, I also got a call from my mom. "I have something to tell you and you aren't going to like it. We put our house up for sale and your father and I have a few job interviews...in Rio Dosa." As in New Mexico. As in no more babysitting and family dinners and random days window shopping. As in, no local family here with me. Did I mention too that Jesse lost his job so child support has gone from being sporadic to nonexistent? Life is sweet.

MMMM

Life was incomplete before Quaker Oats made mint chocolate drizzled rice cakes.

Emily!

It is nearly impossible to tame my child's hair. It is incredibly fine and semi-curly so no matter how much combing and coiffing and conditioning I do, Emily ends up with a lion's mane about two hours into her day. Lately, she has been requesting braids. Not just two braids or a french braid, but six braids that combine into three or four braids braided together. It's quite the look. However, her hair is so fine I know when I pick her up from school she will have no braids. The little plastic holders will have slipped from her silken locks and the tangles will run free. Or so I thought. I discovered yesterday, that this is only the case about half the time. As it turns out, when the little girls swing outside they like their hair to "flow in the wind." Seriously. All these three year old girls enhance their playground activities by loosing their locks. Is that too cute or what?

the FAFSA fee and other "grrrr"s

FAFSA: FREE Application for Federal Student Aid. Do you see the free? It's in the name. However, there is a fee. A $50 fee. If you renew. Suck! But fine, $50 for free money is bearable. What wasn't bearable was the humiliating process of renewing my FAFSA. I wanted to cry as I explained to the girl for the THIRD time that I am divorced with a dependent who I cannot claim on my taxes in odd years but who I support more than 50% of the year. I swear if she used the phrase "I assume." one more time I was going to go through the phone and shatter her nose with my damn tax return. "I assume you have no income for 2007...I assume you are single with no dependents...I assume you'll be living on campus...I assume you did not take the child tax credit..." Being "assumed" about is just not pleasant. *big sigh*

Emily!

On thinking her mom is perfect:
Emily loves Brittany Spears (sometimes still called Perky Spears). I mean, she loooooves Brittany Spears. Well, she loves "Oops I did it Again" anyway. She doesn't have a clue about the living breathing train-wreck. Sometimes she asks me to sing along with the song, which I, of course, know because I listen to it with her daily and I also secretly rather like it. One of the times she requested that I sing along with "the purple song" Ben was with us.
B: Mama sings the song better than Brittany Spears
E: Hahahahaha. You're just teasing.
*long pause*
E: Right? You're just teasing.

Emily!

On vocabulary: "Mama, I am ravenous! That means bary hungry." She's three, people.

Emily!

In her Easter basket Emily received the most adorable pink bikini. It is pink and green with ruffles and girlishness galore. Our friend Donna was not present to see Em get her basket so Emily was kind enough to show her everything including her new "pink zucchini bathing suit!"

Wait, What?

So I have a staph infection (I think). I had one last November and this painful red lump looks strikingly similar. I was showing it to my mom and Grandma last night and got the appropriate answer of "ewww, poor baby." Then, Grandma says "You need to put bacon on that." Oh okay. Wait, what?! "Yeah, you put a tiny piece of raw bacon on it and it'll help it get better." So I dubiously ask "Just bacon?" Then, my 78 year old sweet-as-honey grandmother ROLLED HER EYES at me and said "Well no darlin', you'll also need a band aid."

Emily!

*sigh* Mama, I hurt a lot of parts of me today. I must be getting old with all these booboos.

Fools Rush In

Ben was here for the entire month of February which was absolute joy. However, our one year anniversary and his elongated visit has sparked a lot of questions from others in the form of "So, when are you going to get married?" When I was 18 and engaged to Jesse I got the "You're too young" speech. Now that I am twenty-five and have way more at stake - kid, school, personal sense of identity - the clock is apparently ticking and gosh darn it, I'd better get a move on that marriage thing. Best. Plan. Ever.

Joys of parenthood

I think it is starting to sink in for both Emily and me that we are going to be together a lot more now that her dad has moved. Either that or Emily's temperament has a taken a turn for the better. This weekend was pretty good - minimal whining, no tattling, very little fighting over nap time. Yesterday was truly a day of moments, though. Two stand out. We spent the day doing all sorts of things. There was breakfast at a restaurant with Lori and then we went to an A&M horse show where we saw the Ontkos and the Wests among various other friends. We went to "Junkie Bath" to make new "scratchy soap" and pick out a candle. Emily is always so good when we go there. She loves to just sit in front of the oils smelling them all and organizing them by the color on the lid. Later that evening we went over to Lori and Emil's for some fajitas. Now comes the good part of the story. As we left the Luza house sometime around 9:30, Emily let out a long breath and proclaimed "I had a hard day." I asked why. The reply? "It is hard work keeping Lori entertained for all that long time." I know, the life of a three-year-old is rough. It gets better. At 11:00 when she STILL was not asleep she came wandering into my dining area to let me know that her hiney hurt. She almost never lets me examine these sorts of problems, but this time she willingly dropped her PJs and bent over. The instant she bent over a pebble pooped out of her rear. A PEBBLE POPPED OUT OF HER REAR! "Baby! did you stick this rock in your hiney?" "No." "Oh my gosh, did you eat rocks?" Silence. "I don't really know if I can say."

No, seriously

On my way to class today I slipped on a banana peel. In a skirt. I was in the skirt, not the banana peel. True story.

Emily!

E: Mama! Honey hit me!
J: Well, were you bothering her?
E: No...

E: And I also did not poke her in the eye.

Well it seemed like a good idea

Ben has finally come down with the coldish flu illness I had at the beginning of his visit. He's really tired and incredibly stopped up. Yesterday I put together a "feel better" package which included some tablets from Sudefed. You put them in the shower and they evaporate into a menthol eucalyptus steam that is supposed to clear one's sinuses. I love this sort of thing. However:
J: Oh! I'm glad you are taking a shower because look! I got you these tablets that are supposed to help your nose drain.
B: So you want me to go into the "shower" and inhale gassy fumes?
J: Ah. I see your point.

Brought to you by the letter...

Comment and I'll give you a letter; then you have to list 10 things you love that begin with that letter. Afterwords, post this in your journal and give out some letters of your own.I was assigned "W" so in no particular order:1. Wedge-heeled shoes2. Words you'd find on the SATs3. White chocolate4. Wreckers, The (as in the singing duo)5. Wrapping paper (It works for so many things - presents, matting photos, wall art, scrap-booking, etc.)6. Winter and Wolf productions7. Whiskey8. Wine9. What a Girl Wants starring Amanda Bynes10. Whimsy

Half a phone conversation

Heard on A&M campus by someone who is presumably intelligent enough to get into college:I'm not pissed because she lost it. It's that she can't find it.

Emily!

Way back last August Emily got a glimpse of me in my unmentionables. She knew what panties were but was confused about the top part. I answered her inquiry with the obvious: "its a bra." Now Emily was familiar with the word "Broccoli" because I shove the vegetable in her general direction about once a week. Obviously, I was mistaken regarding my apparel so she kindly pointed at me, laughed and said "No silly Mama, it is called braw-co-lee!" Ever since, she has very generously pointed out whenever someone's "braw-co-lee" is showing as my friend Dana Ballard can testify. In January of this year Em and I went shirt shopping together. I had to get a yellow shirt for work. On a side note, I look putrid in yellow so this was definitely not one of my favorite shopping trips ever. While I tried on new shirts, Emily tried on my clothes. At one point, I caught her shirtless, chest puffed out, inches from the mirror. "Look Mama! I have little braw-co-lettes!" My kid is a freaking genius.

Have you missed me?

 It seems like forever since my last post. I am a student now. A real live student. With classes. And homework. And an ungodly amount of reading. I'm sure you all understand that this translates into stress and being busy and not sleeping. However, it also translates into guilt. I feel awful for the past four years that I have spent underestimating student workers. All this time I was inwardly (and yes, sometimes outwardly) dogging on them for only working a few hours a week and complaining about eight o'clock classes and calling in to work because they had to study for a test. I am so so sorry. School is hard. Eight o'clock is so much earlier than it used to be. Tests are hard. There is never enough time to study and sleep and read and work and parent. Never. I'm pretty sure I'll survive, you all seem to have done so. I am just really sorry for all the time I spent underestimating you and assuming you were slacking off.

School Daze Ahead

Tomorrow I start the spring semester. Holy crap! Tomorrow I start the spring semester. I am so freaked out. What if I am older than everyone and get stuck doing group projects with 18 year-olds who don't care about school? What if I'm late? What if my job keeps taking me for granted and I stretch myself even thinner to keep them all happy? What if I can't handle a full class load? What if I forget to put on pants and go to class like that and they all laugh and point and then make me perform songs from Madame Butterfly?

A square is a square

It may be hard to believe, but in my home there are rules. Actual rules. And I am the enforcer. Crazy thought, I know. Among those rules is one which states that I am not a short-order chef and, therefore, Emily must eat what I cook. I am however sensitive to the idea that Emily's affinity for garlic may not be as vast as mine so she gets one veto a week. One meal a week she can request something other than what my amazing culinary skills have produced as long as it is quick and easy. The other night she invoked the right of the veto as my enchiladas apparently contained too much salsa...or cheese. I'm not sure which. At first she agreed to try half an enchilada. That, however, was a short-lived arrangement due to my astounding inability to cut her enchilada into squares. Here you go baby. That's not a square that's a rectangle. How 'bout this? NO! That's not a square. Um, okay. *deep breath* How's this. NO. I. WANT. SQUARES. Then there was this motion that I have never been able to replicate in which three and a half feet of three year old was flung to the ground and spun about emitting a sound not unlike a dolphin that has been crossbred with a bat. After she sat up and her head stopped spinning in complete circles, she opted to ingest two plain flour tortillas. Then she very sweetly sidled up to me, put her head on my shoulder and said, "dat looks good. Kin I have a little bitty bight?"