You don't know me

My hallway is momentarily mystifying

Except you do know me and you love me anyway.

How to charm me

Send me this message:

i miss our kid

with this photo (from 2008):

Oh, we went and got "old"

Emily: And today Andrew actually high-fived with me! He used to not even like me, but today he was like "Yeah, I'm kickin' into this girl."

Me: Cooking into this girl? I don't think I am familiar with this phrase.

Emily: No, I said "kicking into." It means like starting to get along with me better.

Ben: Wow. I knew the day would come when I wouldn't understand the cool lingo, but I didn't think it would happen when my kid was six.

How to charm me

Agree to let our daughter paint your manly toenails a less-than manly shade of bright yellow. I love that man.

Stupid Cupid, What does he know?

I have been told I will receive my Valentine's gift tonight. I haven't a clue what it is and I almost don't care. (I said "almost." I have no intention of turning down a present. Ever.) But you see, I already got the best gift ever -

Five Hours To Myself.

Once was when Ben took Emily on a mysterious shopping trip for nearly three hours on Saturday. Then last night I got to snap this handsome couple as they dashed off to the ball.

I had a whole Sunday evening to do things like call my mom, chit chat with my neighbors, and watch a 45 minute interview online. All guilt-free. It was glorious.

But, and I'm going to get disgustingly cute here, the best part was seeing these two excited about their father-daughter dance.

Cupid can keep his stupid heart-o-chocolates and mass marketed roses. I'll take the two pairs of sparkling blue eyes instead. That's love.

Happy Valentine's Day!

How to charm me

Pick up my daughter so you are eye to eye and say "Emily, will you go with me to the Father-Daughter Sweatheart Dance next Sunday?"

A Thankful Week in Pictures

No school equals a day with Angelina!

Grandma's here! Let's roast marshmallows.

No need to fear, the man in charge of pie is here!

Which one is the bigger turkey?

Just right.

Don't be jealous of my husband's perfectly fried turkey.

That's right, we had Thanksgiving OUTSIDE!

Grandma helped Emily prepare for a post-lunch glamorous photo shoot.

Natalia watched from the safety of the couch.

I made whipped cream for the pie. From scratch. By myself.

 

Friday morning and we're eating. Again.

Happy Anniversary, Baby. Glad you survived our first two years.

On Saturday we took Grandma to the aquarium.

And then she bought us a milkshake.

The grand finale:a HUGE pile of leaves!

Making the house our home - Family Room further cont.

I won't lie, Internet, this past weekend was not the best I've ever had. It was, in fact, closer to miserable, which really stinks because we had some truly beautiful weather. In my never-ending displays of natural grace, I fell down our stairs.  I have refused to go to the hospital, but it is a pretty fair guess to say I bruised or maybe even broke my tailbone. I spent a majority of the weekend on the couch watching shows specifically made to rot one's brain. Making me feel even worse was Ben's devotion to making progress on the family room.

Encouraged by this photo in a recent  Pottery Barn catalog, we decided to go forward with our slate blue walls.

 

Our actual color choice is Silver Hill by Behr. I managed to clamber off the couch long enough to get some "action shots" before Ben caught me and forced me to rest.

It is really really hard for me to sit still and even more so when I know someone else is working hard. He did such a great job, though. And don;t worry, we aren't keeping the pumpkin color.  It'll be white (probably by Sunday at the rate Ben is going).  Soon we can start planning and saving for family room furniture! Wee!

Making the house our home - Family Room cont.

The last time I invited you into our family room it looked something like this:

It took us three weeks to get it to this point - the point where some serious sanding could be done.  And I mean serious sanding. Luckily I have Ben (jealousy is a perfectly normal emotion). He very thoughtfully sequestered the area to be sanded in an effort to contain the impending dust storm. For the past, I don't know, month we've enjoyed this view from our kitchen table.

It isn't much to look at but at least Em and I only had to look at it.  Ben spent a minimum of an hour each day sanding under hot, halogen spotlights. It sucked (or so he tells me). If you ever have to undertake such a chore you will absolutely need:
padded headphones
eye protection
a dust mask
patience
determination
diet coke and beer

Shoes are apparently optional.

But look at this beautiful wood!

And then he went and primed the upper  portion of the walls!

Isn't my husband amazing!  We hope to pick out paint colors soon.  Once the walls were white I was no longer feeling our original color choices.  I think the yellow and green color palette made it hard for us to envision a lot of color choices so we stuck with a burgundy and cream schema.  Now, we are thinking slate blue and white.  Since blue opposes orange on the color wheel, something in that family should really make the stonework and cedar pop.  I can't wait to see it all come together!

A Spooktacular Weekend

Despite having contracted a head cold of unusual duration, I had a great Halloween weekend.

Things got off to an eerie start on Friday night when I tried to make French toast for dinner and my eggs would. not. crack. It reminded me of that scene in Ghostbusters when stuff starts floating around Dana's kitchen. Luckily, our kitchen was not haunted so much as our eggs were frozen.  Still, it looked pretty creepy.

On Saturday we carved pumpkins. I've been present for many pumpkin carving endeavors, but I'd never done any actual carving. Those of you who know me know how graceful I am with a knife... Ben and Emily like to live on the edge, though.  It was a pretty good time despite all the "ewwww, pumpkin guts!"

 

 Have you ever seen a more beautiful smile?

How about these?

Emily was pretty eager for Sunday to get here.  She eagerly waited for Trick-or-Treaters guarded the candy bowl while I made dinner.

 And finally...FINALLY, it was time. You already know Emily went as Glinda, the Good Witch of the North. For his first year taking the kiddo Trick-or-Treating, Ben was kind enough to also dress with the theme.  He represented the Lollipop Guild.

Emily was thrilled, but he feels like he came off less "munchkin" and more "flamboyant used car salesman." I officially love my life.

So this is love

Ben and I have been married for almost 10 months now. Like never before I feel utmost confidence in his love for me. Often when people have been together for awhile the compliments start to fall on deaf ears. I'm not sure if there is a name for this unfortunate syndrome but I know I've fallen prey to it in the past. I suppose it is similar to the way a teenage girl decides her mother has to think she's beautiful because that's what mother's do.

Last night Ben and I were watching what Not to Wear together. Now I don't want to mislead anyone here. I don't have to force Ben to watch this show, but neither is it his favorite form of televised entertainment. During the make-up segment when Carmindy was explaining how to emphasize one's favorite features, I teasingly asked Ben which of my facial features were his favorites. He answered, quite genuinely, that he liked my nose and that "from the side, it is especially cute."

Now people, I have never given a lot of thought to my nose. It is a nice enough organ but nothing I've ever spent a lot of time loving or hating. When he said that, though, my heart fluttered in my chest and down to my toes. It has been echoing in my head all day. My husband thinks I have a cute nose! Isn't that just lovely?

I have no idea why this particular compliment means so much to me. I think it must be love.

Emily!

On thinking her mom is perfect:
Emily loves Brittany Spears (sometimes still called Perky Spears). I mean, she loooooves Brittany Spears. Well, she loves "Oops I did it Again" anyway. She doesn't have a clue about the living breathing train-wreck. Sometimes she asks me to sing along with the song, which I, of course, know because I listen to it with her daily and I also secretly rather like it. One of the times she requested that I sing along with "the purple song" Ben was with us.
B: Mama sings the song better than Brittany Spears
E: Hahahahaha. You're just teasing.
*long pause*
E: Right? You're just teasing.

Well it seemed like a good idea

Ben has finally come down with the coldish flu illness I had at the beginning of his visit. He's really tired and incredibly stopped up. Yesterday I put together a "feel better" package which included some tablets from Sudefed. You put them in the shower and they evaporate into a menthol eucalyptus steam that is supposed to clear one's sinuses. I love this sort of thing. However:
J: Oh! I'm glad you are taking a shower because look! I got you these tablets that are supposed to help your nose drain.
B: So you want me to go into the "shower" and inhale gassy fumes?
J: Ah. I see your point.

I miss my boy already

Are you sitting. You should sit. Well maybe not, but I had to sit when it hit me. I would like to live with Ben. He just left and now I want him back. Now! It was so good having him for two plus weeks. We had a quasi-fight about my space and his space versus our space some time around week two. We also ran into some issues with Emily. She was relatively hot and cold towards Ben, which was surprising. I had a chat with her and she told me the she just does not like him. It is okay with her that I like him and okay that he likes me, but she doesn't like him and can we go play with a toy now? There were these moments, though, where things just clicked so well. When we would all have tickle fights or Ben and I would marvel over Emily's progress with puzzles and problem solving. There was a lot of good cooking and some family time on both ends. I expected to be glad to be rid of him after such a long span (the longest for us yet), but am surprised to find otherwise. Shall I be cliche and say I'm ready for the next level? The rub is that there really isn't a next level for us. He'll finish in DC come December and pack off to Virginia Beach. There will only be six months to a year there before a big question mark. Honestly, he wants to go to Europe. Honestly, I want to go to Europe. Feasibly? A big fat negative. So this leaves me with trying to be happy with what I have now and worry about tomorrow when it gets here. Currently, I am not too frustrated with the idea of a wait. After all, I am still in a position from which I need saving so I need a little time to figure out how to save myself. Maybe then, more with will feasible. Thoughts? Questions? Advice? Anybody?

It's a good thing he's pretty

Ben called last night. Now I want to laugh because we talk every night but that opening makes it sound like he called me after some long lapse. Anyway, here is why I love Ben: Apparently, he made au gratin potatoes from a box a few days ago. We both agree that the box potatoes are inordinately salty. Subsequent to making the potatoes he made some sort of meat and, after tasting them, realized that the potatoes were not quite done. When the meat was finished he put the potatoes back in to finish cooking. Last night he opened the oven to make something else that requires an oven and discovered that he had not ever actually removed the potatoes from the oven. Contrary to his previous belief, cooking dairy products does not alter the time it takes for them to go bad. There was some gagging and plate scraping and me dissolving into giggles because my boy is not perfect. Isn't that just, well, perfect?

B: I need a tan
J: Um, hi, have you seen me? I currently have a tan and I am paler than you.
B: Yeah, but which one of us used to be bronze?
J: I hate you.

Multiplied by the share factor

A while back I was reading my favorite blog when I came across a passage regarding the author's daughter. She was talking about how fantastic it was to look over the head of her 3 year old and lock eyes with her husband in an expression of parental solidarity regarding the recent exploits of their greatest joy. I admit that this is something I have definitely been missing. Jesse is so in love with Emily and every little accomplishment would result in a gasp or squeal of joy from me and a beaming smile of pride or astonishment from him. Lately, these indeed have been the loneliest moments for me. A child provides so much in one's life, but nothing, NOTHING, compares to that special bond of companionship when someone else shares those moments with you. Telling someone else about them is just not the same. ...then along came Ben. Last week having both him and Emily was unexpectedly heavenly. He'd catch my eye and we'd try not to giggle over her mispronunciations. He taught her to call him a ninja and to tell me I'm pretty. I'd catch a look of slight surprise on his face right before he'd declare my baby exceptionally smart. Then, be still my heart, I caught him kissing her on the top of the head and whispering "I love you Emily Gatlin" one morning while they were watching cartoons together on the living room floor. Talk about being made whole.

Odds n weekends

Friday night was dinner with my folks pouring over their yearbooks. How I wish people still put themselves together the way they did in the sixties. So much fun! Saturday Mom and I took Emily shopping, which was not so fun. Poor Em was a terror. I'm not sure if she was tired or hungry or feeling bad or what. She was just so whiny and occasionally mean. She had to get spanked. I hate spanking her. Getting her down for a nap was no easy task either. Fortunately, it was also not an impossible task and her mood much improved after some fitful ZZZs. We took a little field-trip to the grocery store before picking up Charley for dinner. Yay Charley. I was shocked when he called but oh so happy. He always makes me laugh. Some things never change. We had a rather loooong dinner at Hullabaloos where Emily was quite entertaining. Hopefully we'll get together again soon. After putting my kiddo to bed was a nice three hour conversation with Ben. This is a little odd because we have definitely talked for more than an hour a day every day the past two weeks. It feels relationshipish and that is worrisome. I worry it'll hold him back from really finding someone. Not that I'm all that great, but he makes me feel like I am. It's a little troubling, but the conversations are so comfortable and it is nice to have a best friend again...So then Sunday rolled around (a little too early for my tastes, but eh) and Em and I lounged a bit before breakfast with Sarah. I love that girl. Breakfast was fun (and yummy) and the shopping afterward was just more good times. Now Sarah is gone and my mom is at home with Emily and I am chatting online with Ben hoping Katie calls me soon. So I feel better after all that activity. I suppose this will happen sometimes. I just have to keep trying to find that happy medium.

Its been a while since I could say I love myself as well

And so a new semester starts. I've got this sort of excited apprehension going. Like right after you take the shot but before it hits you; when you're still just hanging there wondering if the burn in your throat is the start of a good night or a bad. I can't wait. I'm finally feel like I'm getting to a good place. More precisely, I think I'm getting to a me I like. I find myself generally in a good mood. I drove to Dallas this past weekend and enjoyed my own company just fine. I have, perhaps, indulged in some less than savory vices, but... Well, there really is no legitimate "but." Frankly, I am using the excuse of getting it all out of my system until I have worn it out. I don't want to waste any more time resenting what I have because of something I think I've missed out on. So far, I've found my focus much improved and the rough patches seem to hit me less hard. Dare I say I find that snarkiness is less disturbing these days? Indeed, I think I do dare.

Emily is growing and changing beautifully. The other day she "disciplined" me. Oh yes. When I failed to hand her the requested balloon she calmly counted to three for me. It was great. Already she is trying to put her little shoes on herself and she just has such distinct ideas about how things should work. I love her so much and am so excited to see what kind of people we become. I only hope she takes some time to surpass me.

Ben's visit was amazing. Alas, I was happy to see him go. No worries, I'll be thrilled to see him again in March. His visit has provided some clarity but not as much of the expected comfort. It hurt to have to turn him down after all these years. But, the timing sucks. I'm just starting to be me, to belong to me. I don't want anyone else helping to mold that right now. I get to be mine first and for awhile. Shame on me for not seeing that sooner. But I do love him. Hopefully we'll be the best of friends. I love his insight and the way he puts things. I adore that his concept of people centers around who they would invite, dead, alive, fiction or non, to a dinner party. You see the point is to find out if they are more concerned with satisfying their own personal curiosities or with throwing a good dinner party. I would throw a damn good dinner party.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

Let me count the days since I last wanted to cry. I've forgotten. Time is a fleeting concept for me as of late anyways so counting days would have been impossible. But time has perhaps started to do its work and a calm has settled around my life Don't get me wrong, I still flit through each day filling it as full as possible. Somehow, though, it doesn't feel the same as before. It's like I try to catch my breath and my lungs fill with air instead of water so I can keep going instead of sinking and sputtering.

You may have noticed that I thoroughly enjoyed my birthday. The good times did not stop on Thursday. Friday I had dinner with friends and family at La Bodega and there was much laughter. I invited like a thousand people but it turned into a more intimate group, which is typical for a Janice-related shindig. Brian from work came and was his usual sweet, chivalrous self and Katie showed with her two girls. It was great. I had sort of hoped to go to Northgate with Katie Forest (not Williams from above) but I had Em so we went home and crashed hard! We were tired bunnies. Emily even gave me the pleasure of sleeping in until 9 on Saturday and then brunch with Mom at Ozonas. I love brunch. I tried my hand at Bloody Mary making and found that I do not like Bloody Marys. I'll stick with my coffee, milk or Mimosas thankyouverymuch. In any case, us three girls had a nice morning together.

Emi went down reluctantly for a nap while I did some (a lot) of laundry. We were supposed to paint pottery w/ Katie and the girls, but U Paint It was closed for a party so we left for Galveston an hour early.

It was FANTASTIC. The driving was a little rough on Emily and there was some whining, but the arrival was great. Lots of the UTMB people were there which was heartwarming because I really really like that crowd. Emily made love to all of them and won them over instantly. Ryan seemed in Heaven and there was almost enough catch up time for me and Hava. Okay that last part is a big lie. There is never enough catch up time. I can't wait to go back though. The people, the beach, the waffles....so much goodness.

Upon my return was Ben. Oh Ben. Good old comfortable boy. The best hugs come from Ben and I got my fill. We chatted about this and that and I got to introduce Ben to Jacob who we caught in the parking lot after he left Clare's. Hopefully there will be a river trip on Thursday. That'd be great. In the meantime, I'm so happy to have my boy here. The best part: sitting on the front porch drinking wine and staring at the shell station sign across the way with my head on his shoulder. Nothing more. And my troubles seemed to melt away.