Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Humor me!

I need a favor. Like most people, I have no idea what al my strengths are. I'm trying to make a fantastic resume. I'd like to think that I am a fantastic person and therefore this will not be that hard. Humor me will ya, and tell me some good things about me. Good things that employers would like. Thanks guys!

Monday, July 30, 2007

Mile 0

When driving to Dallas one reaches the marker for Mile 0. I have no clue why this strikes me. It seems so final somehow. Weird. Drive time makes for a lot of time to think. I have a lot to think about so this rather works out for me. The most recent crisis: to move or not to move. I would love to be out of BCS. I'm rather scared and my recent revelation is that I'll keep finding excuses to stay here, where I am safe but unhappy. Jesse's possible promotion would be good for all of us. Have I mentioned how dearly I'd like to live closer to Ben? There are all these pros and cons to moving and a like amount of pros and cons to staying. All the considering makes it hard to breathe. Ben is such a sweetheart in trying to keep my focus where it needs to be and minimize all that dwelling I do. When I fall apart he reminds me that I'm trying to make plans by gazing into a crystal ball and a cloudy one at that. I'm doing the best I can. Thanks, Ben. By Mile 0 I had decided to go ahead with all of my resume revising and job applications. I'll apply in Dallas, TX (the safe choice), Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, and Delaware.I had an excellent time in Dallas. I still really love it there. Sarah is nothing short of a doll. We giggled over the stupidest stuff. Girls are ridiculous when in packs and I wouldn't have it any other way. If Dallas is the choice this is the girl I will live with. She took me on my maiden voyage to IKEA. I...LOVE...IKEA! It was an hour and a half of excited shopping bliss. I spent $11.60. I almost died trying to not spend anything so I gave in a little.Then I had to come home. I had an interesting experience at Starbucks when a good looking man walked by and told me I was beautiful without stopping. Driving into BCS was the most depressing homecoming ever. After the sparkling clean area surrounding Sarah's apartment and the route out of the metroplex, Bryan looked dingy and smelled like old wash water. Everything seemed small and dated. Perhaps I've become a snob. Maybe I always have been. I wish I could be back at Mile 0.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Excuse me while I hyperventilate

This is kind of an odd question but one that needs to be asked. I've been offered a position in the DC area. How serious are things with you and Ben? Are you considering a move there? I would like to know this before I even begin negotiations over this potential move. If it is not likely that you will move then I will not even offer my conditions for my transfer. If you are considering a move then I will at least begin to entertain more details of my potential transfer.Thank you, Jesse Gatlin TSV-KHS ext. 77570

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

It's a good thing he's pretty

Ben called last night. Now I want to laugh because we talk every night but that opening makes it sound like he called me after some long lapse. Anyway, here is why I love Ben: Apparently, he made au gratin potatoes from a box a few days ago. We both agree that the box potatoes are inordinately salty. Subsequent to making the potatoes he made some sort of meat and, after tasting them, realized that the potatoes were not quite done. When the meat was finished he put the potatoes back in to finish cooking. Last night he opened the oven to make something else that requires an oven and discovered that he had not ever actually removed the potatoes from the oven. Contrary to his previous belief, cooking dairy products does not alter the time it takes for them to go bad. There was some gagging and plate scraping and me dissolving into giggles because my boy is not perfect. Isn't that just, well, perfect?

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


Hello Baby,
I just wanted to write to let you know how much I love you. You turned three this month, which you proudly tell people by silently holding up the "okay" sign; three fingers up while your thumb and forefinger make a little circle.

The bitter sweet moments are just piling up. The other day you "helped" me do laundry. Your job description is very specific, and includes the handling of all laundry money. On laundry day you insist on wearing clothing with pockets so you can safely stow the $1.50 in quarters. Once all clothes are loaded into the washer or dryer as is appropriate to their sequence in the laundering cycle, you also put the quarters in the machine. Not even a year ago I only pretended to let you put money in the machine because your little fingers and eyes could not line up the quarter and the ridiculously narrow slot. Seriously, do those slots really need to be that small? Once upon a time a person could just lay the quarters into a quarter sized indention on a little tray and then slide the tray into the money-hungry machine. In any case, on Saturday all I had to do was hold you at the right height for putting change in the machines. You did all the rest yourself. You took your three quarters out of your pocket with your right hand and shifted them all to your left hand. Then you took one coin at a time back in your right hand and slid it cleanly into the slot. Just like that. Just like a real big girl. Sometimes I call you Baby and you defiantly insist that you are not a baby but a big girl. I think you are right.
Love, Mama

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Are you lost little girl?

*sigh* Yes. Yes, I am. I am not happy. Again. What's worse, I'm also unmotivated. I don't love my "new" job anymore. I started reading Good to Great a few weeks ago and I am now disgusted with the Athletics Department. What a load of crap we have here! This book, which our senior staff and coaches were forced to read three years ago, is all about how change starts at the top and people can't be afraid to fire employees who are not top notch and they can't be afraid to make changes and be rigorous and blah blah blah. If they do all this stuff to have "the right people doing the right job," the business will succeed. So our administrators obviously read this book and then chucked it out he window. So now I read it and see that I work for this completely disorganized business and am under this totally reckless boss and ARGH!. Furthermore (and I know this is going to open me up to some ribbing), I watched the Devil Wears Prada this past weekend. Awesome movie. I get a lot of inspiration from movies. I find some character that I adore and I want to completely emulate them. Anne Hathaway's character develops herself into this super efficient, one step-ahead, assistant with mad skills. I so want to be that girl. On Tuesday I dove into this persona. By Wednesday I was over it. I don't work for a detail oriented uber boss at the top of his industry. I work for an uncommunicative sports enthusiast who breaks rules to get things done and fails to set deadlines or project parameters. It's hopeless. I want out. I want a job at a place that actually cares about being a successful business. I want away from my ex-husband. I want out of this semi-small city full of fake money. I feel trapped though. Should I finish my degree first? Will Jesse let me take Em to another place? I am lost. I cannot find my way to happiness. Emily makes me happy and Ben makes me happy. Several of my friends make me happy. How do I find the way for ME to make me happy?

Tuesday, July 17, 2007


For her birthday, among other things, Emily got a pink bikini. I won't lie, I still don't know how I feel about having my toddler in a two piece. As far as tiny people bathing suits go, it is really cute. It's pink with little applique flowers in pink and yellow and green etc. It has these fat little pink gingham ties on the side and at the neck. At first she didn't really care about it. I mean, geez, she had CROCS! to be concerned about. Then, all of a sudden she decided she wanted to put it on in lieu of pajamas. Let me think. Either let her wear her perfectly dry, perfectly clean bikini to bed or refuse and have a full on brawl right before bedtime. Swimwear it is! People, you have never seen a woman more proud of herself in a bikini. Never. NEVER. I asked if I could take her picture to send to GeeGee and she was thrilled. After she checked herself out in the mirror for the second time she stood in the hallway, legs hip width apart, hands on hips, eyes closed, chin up, and a teeth-barring smile so big I thought the rest of her head was going to disappear.
 All women should be this proud of themselves.

Thursday, July 12, 2007


E: Mama, I'm too hot for my croc.
J (singing) Oh? I'm too sexy for my shirt.
E: Well I'm too hot for my other croc.
J: Well okay then.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

B: I need a tan
J: Um, hi, have you seen me? I currently have a tan and I am paler than you.
B: Yeah, but which one of us used to be bronze?
J: I hate you.