Decisions and Baby talk

Hi Folk, I'm unusually slow at work so I have a little time to update. I know you've all missed me so. Emily is fabulous! This is my favorite age so far. she can be a pill at home where there's not much for her to look at and listen to, but she is an absolute angel in public. She loves people and basketball games and being outdoors. She smiles and kicks and coos and is trying to wave and clap. All is bliss in babydom. Until you have kids you have no idea you can love someone this much. You just want to break your heart in two so the pieces will mend back bigger. Sometimes I can't breathe I love her so much! It's great. She's beautiful - I never knew I could make something so beautiful. Other stuff is not as blissful as babydom. Jesse is getting more and more frustrated with his job and he sometimes brings his bad mood home, which is not usual for him. I really really think he should go back to school. I think he'd be happier in the long run with a degree. It seems like no one really cares what your degree is in as long as you have one. I am trying hard to stifle my bossy bone. He just keeps looking for jobs with no success and I feel the lack of institutional learning is the reason. Not everyone can tell Jesse is a genius by looking at a resume. He practically has a photographic memory and can absorb info like nobody's business. He's daunted by the amount of debt school would put us in and his current job will hear nothing of him going back. They are such assholes sometimes. Le sigh. My job is going pretty well though. Now that I've been here over a year I see more holes in the system. Working in the business office can be hard because you see all the benefits the coaches reap. Generally I'm okay with it, but I do get a little green every so often. I would love a new car. Getting a baby in and out of a 2-door car is rough. I would love to have more hobbies, but hobbies are expensive. I guess everyone gets a little material every now and then. Jesse has looked for jobs in other towns, which is daunting because I like my job enough to make a career out of A&M Athletics. I don't have a desire to leave. I feel like I am finally finding balance between mom, employee, wife, friend and just Janice and the idea of moving and disrupting all of that is daunting. On the other hand the prospect of living in San Marcus or Round Rock or Conroe is nice to ponder. I just don't know what will happen. This entry is becoming very long. We are planning a trip to Vegas in August. We found really cheap flights and a good price on the New York-New York hotel and casino. That's five stars baby! My parents are going to get us tickets to a Cirque show as our birthday gifts. I am very excited. Yay for tax refunds. Maybe I'll win some money. Maybe I'll win enough to buy a car. A girl can dream.

Pulling it back together

So here I am finding time to update. Now that Christmas break is over, I find that I am starting to pull my life back together around Emily. I think I've been doing better at work and getting more stuff done around the house. You guys have no idea how slug-like lazy and tossed about I had been feeling. I think I may have had some minor postpartum. Looking back at 2004 I am glad a new year is starting. I can just move forward with the positive benefits of what I found to be a very hard year and a half. I think I may have grown a little as a person. I so badly what to say that I think I may have grown up, but I know as soon as I say that I'll reveal what a child I still am. I was so happy to hear of Hava's engagement over the holidays. I love weddings. I saw my Ben and sweet Sarah. I even saw Kim. She's accomplished a lot. A whole lot. I think Dennia and I are back on the right track...I am getting used to what all her attitudes mean. I am hoping to see more of Clare outside of work. I want to play more with Jessie and Justin. Oh! I am so excited to be taking some wine classes this spring at our local winery. It'll be me Jesse, Justin and Jessica. So much fun. It's nice to do something new. I am also thinking if becoming a certified professional office assistant. Something new for the resume since I have never gotten past an associates degree. 2005 is going to be great. I have resolved to get my pre-baby body back and to be on time for everything. Also this year, I am going to learn about investing and baseball. Hopefully by telling everybody this I will be encouraged to get it all done so as to avoid the embarrassment of a negatory answer when you ask me how it's all going. Maybe this year we'll also get more of our house fixed up. Tricia, good luck with your worm garden. It's icky, but cool. Hava, good luck with med school. Keep up the good work. Frank, good luck with finishing strong in school and filling the void. Remember, don't get involved with free agents called Tex and that it isn't pink - it's light red. I hope your mom feels better. My mom ended up in the hospital a few years ago with chrons disease and has been having to control it with meds ever since. I am always a willing ear. Plus, I am a better listener on the comp because I don't interrupt nearly as much as in person. HAPPY NEW YEAR! J-

Elated and Depressed

Home life could not be better. Jesse and I are doing so wonderfully as we come up on our 3 year anniversary. I think I'm going to get him a leather jacket. He's really been wanting one AND leather happens to be the 3 year anniversary gift of choice. Emily is such a doll. I had no idea babies changed so fast. I was away last weekend and I swear she changed in just 3 days. It's insane She's so gorgeous.She's three and a half months old now. Can you beleive it! They've just flown by. She's already trying to hold her bottle by herself. This resulted in a few tears of pride and joy earlier this week. Soon we'll need to baby proof our house because she'll be crawling. Sigh and smile. Work should be going great as well, but it's not. I thought I'd made a really good friend in Dennia but I pissed her off earlier this week and she has made it as obvious as possible that I am scum. It's awful working when your friend is giving you the cold shoulder. I finally called her to find out what the deal is. She just said that I had said something that was disrespectful of her in front of one of our student workers and she was still too mad to talk to me. I just want to cry. I spent all of high school jumping through hoops for my friends and I thought I was finally out of all that. Now here I am again with no idea what I could have possibly said that was so wrong. Honestly, I am really upset that she was mean to me for a week with no explanation instead of looking at me when I said whatever it was and saying, "Hey J, that's not cool." I can't imagine saying anything so bad that it could take her a week to cool down enough to talk to me. She says she may be calm enough to talk on Monday but I need to realize that I have respect her as a co-worker. I am so in the dark. It has also been brought to my attention that people think my boss favors me because of how I look and dress. I just don't get that either. Now I am going to have to be super careful about how I dress for work. Who knew 40 and 50 year old women could be so catty. I hate working where I am not liked. I really like my job and most of the people....it just takes a few bad apples and that really stinks. On the upside, I think Clare and I are starting to rekindle our friendship. She's dunking her ring tomorrow night and I might go. That'll be an experience. I am also having lots of fun with Jessica. Old friends are the best. Hers and Justin's wedding was really a blast. It was a complete disaster, but a blast nonetheless. I really liked playing bridesmaid. Hopefully we can set up a fun couples night soon. We are also planning a trip to either New Orleans or Vegas (woohoo). Old friends and strong drinks until next time, J-

Ahhh motherhood

Omigosh my kid is so beautiful! And I am not biased because everyone says so! If I knew how to post a picture they would be plastered all over this entry (and the next and the next and the next). Emily is such a great baby! She is already sleeping 9 hours at night. Her little nose and full lips are to die for! She looks like her Papa. She's so good, that even labor was easy. I popped her out in only 3 and 1/2 hours. The first two weeks were so surreal, I kept thinking someone was going to come and say "Thanks for babysitting, see ya later." But she's really mine. I've been back at work for a few weeks now so posts will be few and far between and probably short. I'm just waiting for a phone call here at work so I can go home so I have some extra time to post. Putting Emily in daycare was so hard! I cried all day (and I really don't care if that makes me a loser). It seems like everyone had either a rough or blah first week of school. I hope things get better for everyone.

Updating a little late

Ahh the joys of parenthood. Okay so I'm not a parent yet, but I'm pretending to know what it feels like. I am swamped and exhausted! So I told ya'll I'd update after every doctor's appointment, but I've gotten a little behind. In any case, all is still going well so just chalk it up to no news is good news. I've started going almost weekly now so I'll be back in the waiting room on Thurs. My Doctor is so cool! In gerneral I guess people think ob/gyn's are kind of icky, but I just can't think of Dr. Zivney like that. He's so nice and really funny and just cool about everything. It also helps that I am having s close to perfect pregnancy. I hope they are all this good. Not that I want to find out for a few years.Sunday was my baby shower. It was really nice, very intimate. There was a nice generation range there so everyone had someone to talk to. I got so many cute little outfits for Emily and we FINALLY got one of our big items. I'll admit it, I'm in it for the material gain. I really want people to buy me things. We need things. So now Emily has her crib and a play pen and a swing. Still no carseat, stroller, or carrier, but I have one more shower yet. Jesse and I just want to hold off on those big ticket items until know what we're getting. While I sound super material right now, I'm sure everyone understands that we still have to pay our electric bill and house payment and save for the hospital and Emily's daycare. It'a crazy expensive to be grown up! Enough with the whining though, I want to be talking about my nice shower with the yummy cake and the lovely friends and whatnot. So far we've gotten two homemade baby blankets: one from my mom and one from Mrs. Short. Mrs. Short has the most horribly mangled hands on account of arthritis and diabetes, so her handsewn blanket really is full of love. Yay for Mommies of friends! My kid has also been inducted into the service since my cousin and her husband sent a little pink t-shirt that labels Emily as the "Littlest Marine." The adorableness just doesn't end.I am so excited that July is almost here. I cannot wait to see my little girl. I'm already having speration anxiety about putting her in daycare while I'm at work. I mean so far she's been with me 24/7 and I can't even see her or smell her or play with her yet. It's just horrible to think that when I can finally do those things I have to be somewhere without her. I guess that's a mom thing. Jesse thinks I'm being too negative. SHe's going to be so pretty though. I'll just die of pleasure if she gets Jess's dimples! I'll let ya'll know if the due date gets pushed up (which it might since I've already dropped).Tiny little clothes and lavendar baby bath soap,J-

33 weeks, Whew

Okay, I promised to update after every doctor's appt so this is a little late. My appt. was last Weds. It went pretty good though After all the fuss my doctor and nurse made last time about my weight gain they were all smiles and compliments this time around, saying I am gaining at the perfect rate. What! YOU PEOPLE HAD ME STRESSED BEYOND BELIEF FOR NO REASON?! Oh well. However, there is some bad news. The pediatrician we picked is quitting his practice this week and moving away. Pout and stamp foot. Now I have to start interviewing doctors all over again! Oh well. le sigh. I can't beleive I have less than 7 weeks to go. I've been and in reality I could have anywhere from 4 to 8 weeks left. Still, there isn't a whole lot of time.Hopefully we'll get some much needed baby things at my shower. NOTHING is ready! And I don't mean in that panicky nesting way, I mean NOTHING. We have no car seat, no high chair,no bottles, the baby furniture still needs to be repaired, the closet still needs to be finished so we can stop storing things in the baby's room... The list just goes on and on. To top it off, Jesse was a little befuzzled with me yesterday. He says I've been too stressed out to show any sort of happiness about the baby and that I seem more resentful than anything. That was pretty hurtful. He was really just trying to show how concerned he is because I've been extra pregnant lately with lots of crying, but it sort of turned into a blamefest. He thinks I'm resentful and I don't really think he's prioritized right. He always comes through for me though, but I didn't really show him a lot of faith last night. So that's what's up here. Hopefully some of the stress will be alleviated after my shower at the end of the month. That sounds pretty sucky (as in I won't be happy until people buy me things), but we need a little help and I have no problem admitting that. I hope everyone else is having a good summer!

Doctors and Babies and Calories and Such

The third trimester is here. I will be 30 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Can you believe it? I can't. I went to the doctor yesterday, which did not go as well as I had hoped. They are concerned with my weight gain (I'm putting on 2 pounds a week, bringing my total gain to 22 pounds) and want me to start watching my calories. I have never counted calories in my life! So far today I have counted 755. I'm not really even sure how much I'm supposed to have. One article I read said to take my pre-pregnancy weight and multiply by 12 to get the proper calorie intake That means I should have 1368 calories a day and I am already more than halfway there with just breakfast (cereal with raisins, milk, and half a bagel with cream cheese). Does that seem messed up to anyone else? I also have a bacterial infection which COULD cause my membranes to rupture (my water to break) early. It's in a really early stage though so we aren't all that worried Still, it kind of sucks to have something new to worry about. Lastly, I am anemic again and have to take iron twice a day. At first the doctor got onto me for not taking my iron anymore and letting myself get like this and I'm like "whoa doc, I take an iron supplement every night on top of my prenatal." So at that he raised his eyebrows and said "take two and increase your fiber." Really, though I still feel pretty good. I'm getting some pressure at work about what's going to happen while I take time off to have the baby and it's sort of disheartening. My boss is way encouraging, but some of my coworkers, I think, are jealous of the time I get off and are saying some kind of mean things about it. I guess I'll do my best to make me and Jesse happy so we keep our household running smoothly. Screw the meanies. In other news , I was in Denton this past weekend to watch Hava and Ryan graduate. Such a nice couple! Ryan's family must adopt me and feed me chicken rice casserole and let me come to their nice house. It was a great Sat. Last night Miss Sarah came over for dinner. She's so sweet. We talked about her new apartment and getting her a job. She might be here the whole summer and that would be so nice. Hava will be extra enticed to come visit now! That's not it, but that's all I have time for. Y'all be good this summer! Love, J-