How to annoy me

Who came up with the tag-line "Have a happy period?"

Seriously?

Who came up with the tagline "Have a happy period?"

Emily!

J: It is a special thing to marry someone.
E: Mama, do you know what else is special? When you twirl fire.

Emily!

Isn't it funny when one of the very things that drive you insane is the thing that helps you maintain your sanity?

On properly addressing people:
E: Mama, you can't drink dat juice, dat's for kids.
J: Well, I don't want to be an adult anymore so until I finish this juice box I'm a kid.
a few minutes pass
E: Excuse me, Mama! No, I mean: Hey you, kid! Can I have a pizza roll?

On mechanics and biology:
E: I went potty.
J: Did you flush the toilet.
E: No because it is too loud so if I flush it somebody will get knocked up.

On synonyms:
J: Hey Sabrina, I like how your towel matches your bathing suit.
E: Yes, it is very posh.
M: Emily, what does posh mean?
E. I don't know, but I think it is a fancy word for coat.

How to annoy me

Have you tried to buy toilet paper lately? It's nearly impossible. You can, however, purchase "bath tissue." Like there is some person sitting around saying "our customers find that wiping their behinds with toilet paper is offensive. No one wants to think of those big fluffy rolls as something associated with defecation. From here on out, we shall refer to our product as "bath tissue." Now, doesn't that sound much nicer?"

Where oh where?

Have you tried to buy toilet paper lately? It's nearly impossible. You can, however, purchase "bath tissue." Like there is some person sitting around saying "our customers find that wiping their behinds with toilet paper is offensive. No one wants to think of those big fluffy rolls as something associated with defecation. From here on out, we shall refer to our product as "bath tissue." Now, doesn't that sound much nicer?"

How to charm me

Even though it has been nine years since his hair was long, I still catch him absently tucking it behind his ear when he's reading. I love that.

Even though it has been nine years since his hair was long, I still catch him absently tucking it behind his ear when he's reading. I love that.

Emily!

on cardio exercise:
E: Mama, why doesn't dat man have his shirt on?
J: Well, Baby, some people don't like to wear a shirt when they run. It helps 'em stay cooler.
E: When I am a grown up sometimes I'm going to take my shirt off and exercise.
J: In general ladies leave their shirts on when they exercise. Just the boys run without shirts.
E: Nooooo! Just me! Only I am going to take my shirt off.
J: Someday you are going to make your husband very happy.
E: Who's my husband?
J: I don't know yet.
E: Well just think real hard.

What a week. If it wasn't one thing it was another and I am stressed to the max! A week ago Friday we got the horrible news that the daughter of my coworkers, Brandon and Tiffany Verzal, was dropped and suffered from major head trauma. She's only 18 months old and it is just heartbreaking to see her with all those tubes in her and that horrid red bump-gash on her forehead. Her progress has been halting, but she is making progress. Still, I hurt for her and her family. It is ridiculous to stress over someone else's troubles, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't. I also go the news that friend's brother was killed by a drug overdose. Why do people have to be stupid? Is the feeling that goo? Good enough to die for? Really? So on top of digesting all that, the school work and the work work and that parenting thing I do, I also got a call from my mom. "I have something to tell you and you aren't going to like it. We put our house up for sale and your father and I have a few job interviews...in Rio Dosa." As in New Mexico. As in no more babysitting and family dinners and random days window shopping. As in, no local family here with me. Did I mention too that Jesse lost his job so child support has gone from being sporadic to nonexistent? Life is sweet.

MMMM

Life was incomplete before Quaker Oats made mint chocolate drizzled rice cakes.

Emily!

It is nearly impossible to tame my child's hair. It is incredibly fine and semi-curly so no matter how much combing and coiffing and conditioning I do, Emily ends up with a lion's mane about two hours into her day. Lately, she has been requesting braids. Not just two braids or a french braid, but six braids that combine into three or four braids braided together. It's quite the look. However, her hair is so fine I know when I pick her up from school she will have no braids. The little plastic holders will have slipped from her silken locks and the tangles will run free. Or so I thought. I discovered yesterday, that this is only the case about half the time. As it turns out, when the little girls swing outside they like their hair to "flow in the wind." Seriously. All these three year old girls enhance their playground activities by loosing their locks. Is that too cute or what?

the FAFSA fee and other "grrrr"s

FAFSA: FREE Application for Federal Student Aid. Do you see the free? It's in the name. However, there is a fee. A $50 fee. If you renew. Suck! But fine, $50 for free money is bearable. What wasn't bearable was the humiliating process of renewing my FAFSA. I wanted to cry as I explained to the girl for the THIRD time that I am divorced with a dependent who I cannot claim on my taxes in odd years but who I support more than 50% of the year. I swear if she used the phrase "I assume." one more time I was going to go through the phone and shatter her nose with my damn tax return. "I assume you have no income for 2007...I assume you are single with no dependents...I assume you'll be living on campus...I assume you did not take the child tax credit..." Being "assumed" about is just not pleasant. *big sigh*