Thursday, July 19, 2007

Are you lost little girl?

*sigh* Yes. Yes, I am. I am not happy. Again. What's worse, I'm also unmotivated. I don't love my "new" job anymore. I started reading Good to Great a few weeks ago and I am now disgusted with the Athletics Department. What a load of crap we have here! This book, which our senior staff and coaches were forced to read three years ago, is all about how change starts at the top and people can't be afraid to fire employees who are not top notch and they can't be afraid to make changes and be rigorous and blah blah blah. If they do all this stuff to have "the right people doing the right job," the business will succeed. So our administrators obviously read this book and then chucked it out he window. So now I read it and see that I work for this completely disorganized business and am under this totally reckless boss and ARGH!. Furthermore (and I know this is going to open me up to some ribbing), I watched the Devil Wears Prada this past weekend. Awesome movie. I get a lot of inspiration from movies. I find some character that I adore and I want to completely emulate them. Anne Hathaway's character develops herself into this super efficient, one step-ahead, assistant with mad skills. I so want to be that girl. On Tuesday I dove into this persona. By Wednesday I was over it. I don't work for a detail oriented uber boss at the top of his industry. I work for an uncommunicative sports enthusiast who breaks rules to get things done and fails to set deadlines or project parameters. It's hopeless. I want out. I want a job at a place that actually cares about being a successful business. I want away from my ex-husband. I want out of this semi-small city full of fake money. I feel trapped though. Should I finish my degree first? Will Jesse let me take Em to another place? I am lost. I cannot find my way to happiness. Emily makes me happy and Ben makes me happy. Several of my friends make me happy. How do I find the way for ME to make me happy?

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