I wonder if I'll ever learn or if I even want to...

Things I really have learned:1. He wasn't any better than me, I hated that we were the same and he hid it better2. I will do more things because of the crowd I am with than I will do drunk3. Drinking makes me even more needy4. I hate it when people lie to me because I get enough of that from myself5. I am just as sexy barefoot as I am in high heels6. I only drink with people I trust and drinking has taught me to trust less people7. When people cannot have what they want they will settle for what makes them feel good no matter how temporary the high or the severity of the aftermath. Rinse and repeat until lesson is learnedThings I should know but can't grasp:1. I should stop telling everyone everything, my whole have no secrets plan does not work2. People Lie. Stop believing everyone3. Not everyone values kisses like I do and the way a person kisses means nothing4. Pretty, smart, and capable5. It has to come from me first6. Stop putting out 100%, it is mostly unappreciated and sometimes kind of scary7. Some things were meant to only be experienced once8. I'm naive because I let myself be9. People do not know what they wantThings I almost wish I'd never found out:1. People who love you lie as much as people who don't2. Someone else's morning breath coming from the pillow next to you smells sweeter than an empty pillow3. It can feel good and that is sometimes worse than it feeling bad4. There is no one who is going to save me, raise me up or teach me how to live - I am supposed to do it myself5. Given the opportunity, I can play the game too6. Even if somebody says they want you, if they don't want to hold you while you cry they shouldn't get to hold you at all because you will not feel any better about yourself for something so cheap.