Feeling bad that I don't feel worse

I have to say folk, I may be pulling out of a slump. I may not, but I may. This week I have stumbled upon unexpected popularity that has been a fantastic ego boost. I hope it lasts and isn't part of a pity kick. I am completely exhausted today due to lack of sleep last night (Thanks Jessica, Hava, Jim and Ben), but am relatively (dare I say) happy. I keep feeling bad that I'm not feeling worse, like my happiness is going to be a personal insult to Jesse. I have run into quit a bit of frustration this week, but haven't been too down. Jessica tells me this is good because she worries I'm going to die on the inside so I can reach my goal of appearing put together and (in a fantasy world) desirable at all times. We'll see what couples therapy does to me next week. In the words of a new found friend, I just don't see it ending well. I'll either shut down or break down. Either way, no mascara that day. I'm a little all over the place today so this post is kind of garbled, but thus is my life these days so I'm sure you can all deal. Ben called yesterday, as I mentioned, and used the phrase "best friend" more than once. I swear, Ben is the best friend I will ever have simply because he publicly displays everything I am on the inside. I am trying my damnedest to get to DC for New Year's and I think we're both kind of excited about it. Yay for plans. Speaking of plans I have a date with jeans shopping, my mom, and several Mary Kay clients. So I am off. Happy Easter everyone.