Thursday, November 9, 2006

And you, you don't even know what it is that you're fighting for

See my new icon? Isn't it fitting? I made it this week. I loved the (cynical?) humor of it, but the more I look at it... *sigh* It just captures the essence of tomorrow so perfectly. Every night this week has led to less and less sleep under the dread that will accompany my alarm clock in the morning. Tomorrow was not supposed to come. I was not supposed to stare at another wedding anniversary. It should just be another day. I digress. Tomorrow symbolizes the casualty of the world over when it comes to approaching love. The ease with which people back away from promises of eternity. *insert bitter laugh* It wasn't supposed to be like this. I do still love you. I can't tell you that because it will just lead to a spiral of misinterpreted words. We cannot be, but I don't think you know that. It's ruined. I stopped trying. I backed away from forever because I was tired. And love is inconsequential. It means nothing to feel it if you aren't in it. One day I hated you. For a second I hated you with all I had. And then it all changed. You can't go back after a second like that. It's like everything in a room has been moved a quarter of an inch to the left. You can't see the change, but you can feel it. And I let it all change. I promised. I promised and then I ripped us both apart breaking that promise. Somehow you still have me, or something like me, on that damn pedestal. Let me down. There is someone better who will sit there willingly. You're still fighting with me over something that isn't real. You have no idea, really, what you are fighting for...

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