Monday, October 23, 2006

And were all grown now, but we dont know how to get it back to good

Yay sleep. I think I may finally be caught up. Watch me screw that up this week. Heh. Saturday Jesse picked up Emily a little after 10:00 to start his weekend with her. She was looking a little ragamuffinish, but what's a girl to do? If the kid doesn't want to take off her footie pajamas (and who could blame her) or have her hair brushed then the kid doesn't want to take off her PJs and have her hair brushed. It's just frustrating because I discovered Jesse's MySpace page this week and in all his pictures of her she looks soooo unkempt. Plus, upon picking her up I found out that they were going to a company picnic at which the US Senate would be present. Great. Now he can tell them that I sent her to him in that condition. *sigh*I digress (surprise surprise). Jesse picked up Emily a little after 10:00 and I promptly put my ass in bed. I was really only going to sleep for a couple of hours. Ha! At about 10 to 5:00 I became coherent and rolled my butt out of bed. I was disgusting. It had seriously been Thursday since my last shower and I was all kinds of ick. *shudder* I plopped in front of the TV for a bit with some ice cream (it had also been since Friday night that I last ate - a good 20 hours) and then took a loooooong hot bath. After the bath I actually felt great! Sometimes a lot of sleep can make a girl feel sluggish, but I felt more like myself than I really have in weeks.I powered through laundry and cleaning house before my daily chat with Ben. Oh Ben. *smile, sigh, and wonder at self for ability to complicate thing* Things with Ben feel so right. We are NOT together. But we aren't not together....This is not the point of this post. I'll leave Ben for another day. A day when I feel like wallowing in smiles and a racing heart.So actually poor Ben was the recipient of a bunch of bitching from yours truly. See, on Friday he told me that Kim had told him that I have a cute kid because she'd seen pictures of Em on Jesse's MySpace page. So on Saturday I mentioned it to Jesse who said she had actually messaged him. Grrr. I hate MySpace. As if the website were to blame for my interpersonal issues. I asked if he was going to message her back. His answer? Maybe. Maybe? Maybe! Excuse me while I overcome the sudden pain in my chest. I spent years defending her to him. I wanted to have her back in my life right after Em was born and he FORBADE it. Now, here she is messaging him and he's considering taking on her friendship. What about me? How do I get my best friend back? After all his hating her how did he get so lucky? Now here I sit with a lost best friend and a lost marriage pondering the loss of another few friends over the past few months. What is wrong with me? I still can't find it. I wouldn't deny Jesse a little happiness in his new very social lifestyle, but I admit there is some jealousy and bafflement on my end. What does he have that I do not?

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