Monday, September 4, 2006

That's why the lady is a tramp

And just when I thought I was getting better it is, of course, revealed that I am no better at all, just different. I thought I was getting more confident and comfortable with myself. Evidently though I was dressing in poor taste for work and rekindling the rumors about my boss and me. Great. Part of me wants to be defensive, but part of me wants to apologize to Kevin for letting him down. Here I thought I was pulling myself together and really I was falling apart a different way. Sigh. Will I ever find a happy medium? Did I really bend the other way and come off to the world as a slut? I wonder how often I'll have to travel this road. I can't seem to figure what it is that I put out there that makes me come off this way. Do I just emmit some kind of homing beacon that says "I need you to act like you want me?" Yesterday one of my upstairs neighbors came down to get away from a party that was getting out of hand. I guess it should have struck me as weird that I suddenly had company at midnight on a Sunday. We chatted for a bit and then not only did he lean over and kiss me, but he also whipped it out. WTF?! I pushed him away and stated that I was not that girl, which seemed to confuse him. I simply asked him to leave which he did although somewhat baffled. Now what brought that on? Seriously. Now I have to think twice before answering my door. So this is the place where I sit. Wanting what I can't have, getting what I don't want and evidently presenting an image of such low caliber that I am equated with a tramp. So now the question is "how do I change again?"

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