Tuesday, May 16, 2006

feelin' good and normalcy

Good Morning! I am running high on energy this morning; almost giddy actually. I'm not really sure if it is the slap happy that comes from lack of sleep and Starbucks or just the general feel good that comes after spending time with fun people. Either way it is GORGEOUS outside, I started the day seeing some of my favorite people and talked to one more, and, well, Starbucks. I don't see in color until I have my coffee and yippee for flavor packed, dessert in a cup coffee and the gift certificate that let me get one today.I have a new theory. Okay, I have three new theories, but ya'll just get one today. I'm all ready for feedback on this one so fire at will. Here goes:Reality is irrelevant, especially when it comes to normal. I think we can all agree that there really is no normal anyway. It is an ill-defined, evolving concept. I think pretty much everyone falls victim to "normal" by the time they reach high school while at the same time realizing it's nonexistence. What is important here is that one feels normal. Whether or not the way one looks or behaves actually IS normal doesn't matter. From what I understand it is perfectly "normal" to have inexplicable highs and lows during the type of separation I'm involved in. I can hit a wall like I did earlier this week and sink into a pit of hysteria, anger, and self loathing and no-one will think the worse of it - what's more, they'll understand; they'll pick me up, shake me out and assure me that it is perfectly "normal" and perhaps necessary. But it doesn't FEEL normal. In fact, I'm pretty sure that any time someone experiences something they don't like, it's going to feel wrong whether it's a natural part of the human condition or not. In the same way (in the opposite way?) things that are not normal can feel perfectly fine and other people's opinion on the matter really isn't an issue. (This may include my rather overzealous passion for PEEPS). Whether it is real or not "normal" feels real to the person experiencing the ostracization (this may be a nonword) from whatever group because of its absence within them. People will indulge in just about anything be it drug, drink, love or money to just feel normal even if there means of feeling so are not normal at all. Raised eyebrows at said indulgence will mean nothing to the seeker if the problem of acceptance is solved in their own eyes. Therefore, reality is irrelevant.So with that, I have spent the time allotted for covering the front desk and I have to do my real job. So ya'll have a good day and I'll look forward to making this a good day and perhaps reporting more good days and less of the other kind of days.Much love, sunshine, and drinks with umbrellas to everyone,J-

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