Emily!

Acting as Emily Post:
B: Emily, it is horribly inappropriate to eat that with your fingers.
J: Yeah, baby. Please use your fork.
E. But why? I promise I'll pick them up with my fingers only when you aren't looking.

On life decisions:
That man in that truck is smoking! That will turn your lungs black, my body book says it. I hope he is happy with his decision to turn his lungs black.

On the drudgery of traffic jams:
E: Mom, why does the traffic have to be stopped both ways?!
J: I don't know, baby. I cannot control the traffic.
E: I wish you could. Then I wouldn't have to stare at the ugly old man.