Friday, July 28, 2006

I don't know but Jessica...

Everybody should have a Jessica and I fully intend to devote at least on entire chapter of my book to her grrl genius greatness. Everybody needs a bombshell who is a bad influence in her life. It's just essential to good character development.Two weeks ago Jess helped me move. She was totally my rock and I am so glad she was there. The phrase of the weekend was: I don't know but Jessica... I left work early on Friday just too anxious about packing to sit at my desk any longer. I had so much to do. I took a break to get my haircut, which isn't really important unless you know that I tend to have a better time in general if I am having a good hair day. My folks showed up to help me around 6:30 and Jess go there some time after 8.There was not really anything productive happening once my parents left the two of us to our own devices. Mostly because I just could no longer remember how to pack and we all know there are severe limits on my common sense. This must mean it was time to eat. Now people, we did not put effort into anything else we did for the rest of the night. Our prep for dinner at the Sushi place included walking to the car. This means we were un jeans, tank tops, flip flops and no make-up, but with really good hair. We walked out of the hot humid house to the car and drove off. The end. Okay, that a lie b/c we both totally put lipstick on.Oh but it was an excellent dinner. Overpriced, but excellent. And our waiter was really cute and personable and totally agreed to eat with us. I love stuff like that. One hour, four rolls of sushi, two glasses of plum wine and several revelations about Jessica later we thought we'd wind down the night with a beer on Northgate.Thus began the "I don't know but Jessica..." portion of the night. I mean dinner was a logical choice. Sustenance is important and necessary. Considering our skeezed out appearance Northgate seemed an acceptable destination where no one would care that we hadn't made any effort. I also would like to take a moment to note that Jessica has an amazing body with fantastic cleavage so effort is not really necessary on her part. We definitely started in the direction of Northgate and I DON"T KNOW what happened BUT JESSICA was suddenly turning into the parking lot of Harry's. Well that was fine. I really like Harry's. I like the people there and I like to dance. A LOT. Somehow though this plan was not conducive to the 6:00 wakeup call for my move the next day. And Jess was broke after our rather extravagant meal. However, we did not pay for anything except cover, which only I had to pay (I attribute this to the large differance in mine and Jessica's assets.)We started with a shot and a beer apiece. I DON'T KNOW what I was thinking BUT JESSICA totally talked me into letting her take body shots off my "cleavage" and then me from hers. And my student worker absolutely caught me taking a shot out of some guy's fly. I danced with a 19 year old again and again and found myself smoking before more body shots. I danced with one guy who told me he was going to dip me and managed to konk my head on the floor (OUCH!). I spilled a beer on a girl I used to work with and felt horrible about it. Beth and Alfee were there although Alfee was rather down and I'm not sure why. Not a single person complained about my dancing. And in the end the bartender found us horribly entertaining. I DON'T KNOW how we got so much attention while in our grubbies, BUT JESSICA just always manages to make stuff like that happen.When we left our cradle robbed dance partners invited us back to their place to work on a bottle of vodka. I always think this kind of invitation is really funny. I know I keep a bottle of liquor at my house in case I need it in order to entice a cute boy home with me. If the me isn't enticing enough we have an issue. Jessica asked if there was going to be a mixer to help that vodka go down and we just received blank looks in response. In the end we managed to shrug off the 19 year olds and get into the car. We didn't get any further. This guy totally came flying across the parking lot and threw himself across the hood of the car. We rolled down the window to receive an invitation to a party at a hotel. I made some pointed comment about how they must be desperate to wait until the bar has closed to make their move and was assured that they thought we were with the young 'uns until they heard us shrug them off. Jessica volleyed with a remark about being scared of teenagers and I DON'T KNOW what was said next, BUT I hear JESSICA agree to "just an hour" at the party after checking their IDs to make sure they were at least an acceptable age.It turns out the guys were on some sort of softball team and in a tournament. We started off with some card games and then then some drinking games and I DON"T KNOW what the rules of this one drinking game was BUT JESSICA absolutely grabbed me and had her tongue take a count of my fillings and then somehow we ended up in the swimming pool. And I DON'T KNOW how or why BUT JESSICA did not have her clothes on.At 5:30 I managed to wrestle her out of the pool and away from the boys and get her into her car, which I drove. We couldn't find my keys forever, and tore apart her car looking for them. That sounds innocent enough unless you remember that Jess works for Victoria Secret. There were bras and panties ALL OVER my living room by the time we found those damn keys. We tumbled into bed and slept for about an hour before my mom showed up followed by the movers. We got everything moved in that one day and Jess was a total blessing. I don't think I could have made it without an emotional breakdown if she hadn't been there.I DON'T KNOW what my mom must have though when she saw all that underwear all over the house and our sopping wet clothes in the shower, BUT JESSICA was definitely the best thing that happened to me that weekend.

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