Little bundle of....

The following entry may be rather too much for those without small children....or large dogs.

Oh it started as an innocent plan to kill some time with my kiddo. She loves to clamber around my car. It is possible she has developed a taste for this amusement as a direct result of watching me do it ever so often during loading and unloading of said vehicle. As soon as I unbuckled Em's car seat she slid out of the seat and started worming her way over the console into the driver's seat. I figured why not? I left both doors open, put the parking break on just in case, and settled down on the driveway w/ a couple of catalogs. I figured she'd get bored fairly quickly but would slither about the car in the meantime and sort of wear herself down before dinner. All went well for about 10 minutes. This does not seem like a long time to anyone who does not have a two year old, but that is an inordinate amount of heaven-sent time for a toddler to stay occupied. She started whining. However, she has often gotten herself into the car on her own and I figured it was time for her to learn how to get out of the car on her own. It took about two minutes.

And that's when I realized there was a huge problem. Emily ran up to me crying that her shoes were dirty. Oh, if only it was her shoes... She had poop all the way down both legs just saturating her dress and sandals. So much poo! I ran to the car...and immediately wished I hadn't. The driver's seat was full. There was a trail over the console. The back seat floor mat had smudges. Oh! Ugh! I ran my tiny child into the house and immediately ushered her into the bathroom repeating "don't touch anything" every step to the bathtub. It took all my restraint to not chunk her in the tub fully clothed. Unfortunately, Emily has a nasty habit of sampling her bath water so I though floating poop would be a BAD idea. The bath lasted forever b/c Em is a water bug. I managed to get her fed and into bed at her normal 8 o'clock. Then (DUM DUM DUM) I had to tackle the car.

Oh why hadn't I thought to crack my windows earlier? An hour and a half in 90 degree weather and my car smelt ripe! I scrubbed that damn thing for forty minutes. The Oxy-clean bottle broke in just 4 squirts and had to be abandoned. The smell was horrific so the stuff just got dumped into the seats. In retrospect, I bet that it won't dry over night...hmmm. Oh well. My car has now been scrubbed, blotted, Febreezed and vacuumed within an inch of my life so it is sparkling, dammit!

Oh how could such a tiny person make so much poo! I fear this might be karma and must now call my parents to find out what other terrors I enacted as a child. g'night.