Saturday, May 13, 2006

A return to happy medium

Did I have you guys worried? I have to admit, I'm a little worried about me. A few weeks back I was all grumpy b/c no-one seemed to notice how great I was doing at pulling my life together. Good thing b/c I lost it Tuesday night/Wednesday morning and would have proved them all wrong. Ugh. I suppose I've just been stumbling through the last few months without really paying attention to half of what was going on inside my head. Well it definitely flooded out on Tuesday where I spent until 2 a.m. incoherently spilling my issues to no less than 4 people. I broke down again and again until I finally found solace in the early early morning. And then I cared so little about anything that I didn't get out of bed most of Weds. My mom thinks I hit rock bottom, but I think I could probably tunnel a little deeper and THAT is the scary part. I have a little girl and parents whose lives are directly affected by actions and inactions. If I stop caring about me, what happens to them? I could probably go so far as to say I have a handful of friends who would be either disgusted or hurt by my behavior lately as well. Since we all know I am completely unable to do things for myself, I may as well try to do something for all the other people who care. So that concludes the introspective part of my posting.In brighter news, Emily Dawn has her first boyfriend. How cute is that?! His name is Jacob Lane and he is 10 days older than her. On Thursday he found her squatting on the playground and went over to inspect, so I assume, what she was doing. Upon his leaning in Emi looked up and gave him a big kiss. He immediately jumped up and started spinning. Go Emily! I'm not sure I've ever heard of a woman's kiss causing a man to run in actually circles. Perhaps figuratvely, but not literal circles. I know this is not among my accomplishments.The weekend is now officially started. Graduation is in full swing, which is good b/c it means there are things I can take Em to do to keep her busy. We have a graduation party and possibly a concert tonight and then maybe church and baseball tomorrow. Hopefully I can round up someone to do the concert and baseball with us. I love my kid, but I am usually aching for adult conversation after a few hours with her. Plus, Emi just usually behaves better when we have company.For those that know about my beef with various types of furniture these days, you might like to know that I actually managed to sleep in my own bed last night. Between the sheets and everything. No, I didn't sleep any better than I have been, but yes, I will probably do it again tonight.

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