Cryptic

So I guess I had expected that once the worst thing that could be said was said and the worst thing that could be done was done, it could only get better. I was wrong. I found another worst. I can't find a best. The decision is all mine and I am so unequipped to make decisions...to take the blame. Still mostly a child. The lack of emotion is more overwhelming than the emotion would have been. Imagine my surprise. Sometimes I want to laugh. Sometimes I can't breathe. The tears are dry and exhaustion has set in. And now that this is done and I've prepared myself to deal with it, I wonder if I can force myself to go through the ripping pain of undoing.