And so it starts...

My weekend with Emily has been fantastic. Apparently she cannot get enough of the ABC song or Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Earlier this week the ABC song only had about 5 intelligible letters, but now they are almost all there and the order has stayed pretty consistent. Twinkle Twinkle, however, now has the following words: Twinkle ittle leetle door, how aye upon ... twinkle ittle leetle door. It is really really cute.

Saturday was a dream come true because I got to have kiddo and friends all at the same time and I love that. I worry rather too much that people are bothered by her so it really really makes me happy when I can bring her to some "social" events. Drew and Sarah came over for dinner and then we headed out to the Starlight concert at Wolfpen. Unfortunately Em got crabby about three songs into the really really good music and we had to leave early. Everybody understood, but I was a little disappointed for them nonetheless, and, of course, I still worried that they really did mind but there wasn't really anything anyone could do. Next time I might insist on separate cars so I feel better if people decide to leave early with me. At least I kept everyone entertained with my ability to navigate the interior of my tiny car. The night was definitely good.We traded Sarah for Clare late in the evening. Really, it was a day of most of my favorite people and a really long day at that because Clare and Drew definitely kept me entertained until 3:00 a.m. I love company.

Yesterday I worked a wedding. I don't know that I've ever seen such a circus of a wedding. I'm getting ahead of myself. I love working weddings. Earlier this week I spent a little time with Jacob who mentioned loving his job because of how many opportunities he has to use his brain. Someone says do this and if he hasn't done it before he has to figure it out. That's what I love about this wedding gig. Amy (my new boss) hates making wrist corsages so she handed me a half finished one and said make this look good. I had one try to make it work. And I did. *triumphant smile* The rest of the prep went swimmingly as well and we got to the wedding early. It was crazy! The men were late, the photographer stopped to put on her makeup with the bride and bridesmaids, the stepmother was hilariously persnickety, the groom's family was charmingly foreign, and we all had a time keeping the officiant separated from his ex-husband  who was helping the houseparty because the bride was worried they would have an argument. It was great. I can't believe I get paid to be so amused.

And so it starts...summer of 2006. Jobs, school, kid, friends... Deep breath, smile and go...

Thorn in my side

All in all today was a good day. You'd think I'd just focus on that. This morning I stayed in bed a good hour after the alarm went off just enjoying being in bed . Got a contract on my house today which rocks! I picked up Emily from school and she ran to me squealing with excitement and started rattling off all sorts of gibberish that I can only assume were in reference to her weekend. All in all, a very good day. But then there is that thorn. Jesse sent me an e-mail and then, in typical form, called me a few minutes later when i didn't respond. I told him I had just gotten done with the doctor and was just now getting a chance to reply. SO he asked why I went to the doctor. Really, I guess I could point out that it is none of his business, but I simply stated that I'd had trouble sleeping and has lost a bit of weight in the last few months and I'd had the feeling of a defective typewriter since February and just wanted to get it all looked at so I don't have some sort of physical breakdown. So what does he ask? "Are you pregnant?"That's right you asshole. I must be pregnant. And, since we have not copulated in more than 3 months,obviously the whore you married must have needed to get laid as fast as she could. Screw the fact that I wasn't EVER good enough for you. Now that I'm single(ish) in a town of several thousand attractive, available co-eds between the ages of 18 and 25 I am the best piece of ass to be found in the Brazos Valley. In fact I was with a different guy each day that you've been gone and believe me when I say they desire me like no other woman has ever been desired. I can't get enough.I just can't believe how mad he makes me. I really value this guy's opinion. I am forever and ever connected to him and he thinks I'm just ready to pick up and sleep with anything that'll throw a little attention my way and that I'm stupid enough to do it unprotected. That really hurts Jesse. Is that really the type of woman you think I am after all these years? Is that really the type of woman you want to take care of your kid? My God, I'm just stressed and trying to keep it covered, but you think I must be pregnant.Not that my day was ruined, but I hate getting that mad. It just bothers me.

Starting the morning w/ a daydream

I love it when you rediscover something you forgot you loved. I love kisses on the forehead. I love all kinds of kisses (who doesn't?) and I definitely couldn't just pick one to live with forever and give up all the rest, but I had forgotten how great kisses on the forehead are. Really, they are the only kiss that says "I care." It is hard to change the meaning of a forehead kiss. You can kiss a person on the cheek casually in greeting or good-bye, but with a pouty lip and slow approach you can say I want you with the same kiss. We all know how a kiss on the mouth can be anything: casual, intimate, flirty, inviting, hungry... Kisses on the neck range from playful to sensual, as do any type of body kisses really. But kisses on the forehead are steadfast. The delivery can still be backed by emotion, it can be rough, or oh so gently placed, but it still simply states that the bestower cares. I LOVE forehead kisses.

ending the day

Notice all the updating I do these days? Weird huh? Because I really shouldn't be finding the time to post. I don't get it either. Here I am again though ready to tout another "major" accomplishment in my life. This would be my trip to the park all by myself. My friend Jessica tells me I HAVE to learn to do stuff by myself. Ick. I dislike the company and when I'm by myself I generally obsess about what I must've done so wrong that nobody wanted to come with me. It's sad and pathetic, but my nature nonetheless. Today, however, after three failed attempts to secure company to the park I packed my book and blanket and went.Today was the PERFECT day for the park. I would say the day was mellow...mmm, no. Mellow doesn't fit. The year is too young to feel ripe. I can't find a word. It was like the day woke up and put on her favorite sundress just because she liked the way it swished when she spun around. After being stuck inside all day save lunch I HAD to be out. So I took myself and my book to the park. I really am fond of Research Park. I'm sure it isn't anything outstanding as far as little city parks go, but it is just green and fresh and always holds happy times. And today all the shades of kelly, forest, hunter, citron and chartreuse danced in each other's shadows while the dogs, ducks and people played and Janice read her book. Now you might think the best part was lying in the waning 6:00 sun reading and smelling all the grass-tree-pond smells. You'd be mistaken. Although I loved the smells and I ADORE my book. I suppose the thing to know is that I am a whimsical girl (ooo, whimsical is how the day was. yes! whimsical- spinning in her sundress)and this book just stirs all that up. So at one point after I'd read, dozed off and read some more, I looked up just in time to see this tree catch fire. All of it's little light green leaves had been quivering in the wind when suddenly the sun took a fatal dip behind it and the whole thing turned a brilliant sparkling onyx. The glittering red sky cut the branches into sharp relief and made the leaves reveal rigid patterns of symbols long lost to people. Then some other tree bravely stood between my tree and the setting sun releasing it. So my little tree settled for the night, it's leaves now singed to a much deeper moss color. I let go of my breath, looked around,and realized the setting sun had signaled that bewitching hour for couples that we call twilight and I was no longer welcome at the park with my solitude.So now I about to curl up with a cheesy girly movie and some oreos. Eat your heart out Jessica Hazen cause I did it.

feelin' good and normalcy

Good Morning! I am running high on energy this morning; almost giddy actually. I'm not really sure if it is the slap happy that comes from lack of sleep and Starbucks or just the general feel good that comes after spending time with fun people. Either way it is GORGEOUS outside, I started the day seeing some of my favorite people and talked to one more, and, well, Starbucks. I don't see in color until I have my coffee and yippee for flavor packed, dessert in a cup coffee and the gift certificate that let me get one today.I have a new theory. Okay, I have three new theories, but ya'll just get one today. I'm all ready for feedback on this one so fire at will. Here goes:Reality is irrelevant, especially when it comes to normal. I think we can all agree that there really is no normal anyway. It is an ill-defined, evolving concept. I think pretty much everyone falls victim to "normal" by the time they reach high school while at the same time realizing it's nonexistence. What is important here is that one feels normal. Whether or not the way one looks or behaves actually IS normal doesn't matter. From what I understand it is perfectly "normal" to have inexplicable highs and lows during the type of separation I'm involved in. I can hit a wall like I did earlier this week and sink into a pit of hysteria, anger, and self loathing and no-one will think the worse of it - what's more, they'll understand; they'll pick me up, shake me out and assure me that it is perfectly "normal" and perhaps necessary. But it doesn't FEEL normal. In fact, I'm pretty sure that any time someone experiences something they don't like, it's going to feel wrong whether it's a natural part of the human condition or not. In the same way (in the opposite way?) things that are not normal can feel perfectly fine and other people's opinion on the matter really isn't an issue. (This may include my rather overzealous passion for PEEPS). Whether it is real or not "normal" feels real to the person experiencing the ostracization (this may be a nonword) from whatever group because of its absence within them. People will indulge in just about anything be it drug, drink, love or money to just feel normal even if there means of feeling so are not normal at all. Raised eyebrows at said indulgence will mean nothing to the seeker if the problem of acceptance is solved in their own eyes. Therefore, reality is irrelevant.So with that, I have spent the time allotted for covering the front desk and I have to do my real job. So ya'll have a good day and I'll look forward to making this a good day and perhaps reporting more good days and less of the other kind of days.Much love, sunshine, and drinks with umbrellas to everyone,J-

Emily!

Nothing says cuteness like an almost 2-year-old taking ten minutes and all her concentration to put on her mama's shoes.

Nothing says cuteness like an almost 2-year-old taking ten minutes and all her concentration to put on her mama's flipflops.