Hollow

My friend died. Or she used to be my friend and we grew up and apart in that gradual painless way that's kind of rare. In any case, she died and there is just this emptiness in place of where I didn't think of her anymore. Some people wish they could cry because that would mean the knot in their stomach or chest or throat would melt and wash away and some of the pain would go with it. But there's no knot or pain or tears. Just empty. It's so empty that I actually feel like it would be fruitless to cry; like there wouldn't be enough tears to fill the space. Emily is in bed and Jesse is gone. And my friend who was only 23 died when she swerved to miss a cow. Her mom died in August and I cried as soon as I heard the news. Why don't I cry for Lisa? She really was someone who deserves to have people cry for her too, you know? When we were 12 we exchanged little gold bracelet broken hearts that said "Best" and "Friend" and I can't even cry. In middle school we wrote little story lines about horses named Flash and Kali and Blazer and Stacy. They were quit silly. My mom wants to go the funeral and I think I might want to go too, but not with her. That's probably not very nice, but I just don't think she'll understand. She'll want to hug me and I don't want to be touched. I just want to be able to cry and feel whole.

And the days go by

It is Monday and thus another fabulously busy weekend has passed. Thursday was mine and Jesse's 4 year anniversary. I was spoiled rotten with a fabulous dinner at Cafe Capri and a very very nice gift. He thinks of everything. Friday we celebrated Grandma's birthday at Oxford Street (not my favorite, but it wasn't my birthday). Grandma loved the necklace and earrings we had made for her. I was so relieved. They are really beautiful and will look so nice on her. She's a lady who really knows how to accessorize. Saturday I took Grandma and Emily to a horse show. They were both soooo cute! Grandma knows everything about horses and would tell me all kinds of things about their personalities and the ones she used to own. Emily would clap whenever anybody else clapped so every team was represented equally in the Emi Gatlin section of the bleachers We walked around and looked at the horses in their stalls which Emily loved until one horse sneezed near her and scared the wapoo out of her. Grandma would blow in the horses face so they could get her scent and it was so cute to watch Emily clutch my shoulder for dear life and blow at the horses from 4 feet away. She is such a little mimic! In the evening we got to go to the Men's Basketball game for an hour before bedtime. It's nice that SOME of our teams are winning. That was tacky, but it's true. The game was fun, especially since Clarise came with. We had nowhere near enough time to catch up, but we had fun anyway. Sunday was Catharine's baby shower. It was a huge success in my book. Everyone had fun and the cake was just gorgeous! I love when things go well. Catharine seemed to enjoy herself and she got a lot of really really nice gifts. The only downside was getting the rejection letter from A&M. I guess I'll try again in the fall. It's just means we'll have to wait that much longer before we can have another kid. In the meantime we're going to try to move so I've started working on that. My neighborhood was just too creepy on Halloween night. It's time to get into a more family neighborhood. I'm nervous about talking to the real estate agent because the market is starting to change. The timing isn't ideal, but we need to get into a different house before interest rates go any higher. We can make payments for a good nine months before we have to pay for school if I get in for the fall. We'll see. Have a great week! J-

Loads of Fun

The first weekend of November has come and gone bringing with it the month of endless planning and fun! Friday night was La BoDrinkie night. After missing a month, it felt even better than usual despite me wanting to hurry home and see Emi before bedtime at 8. Clare came with her friend Wendy. It is always fun to have new recruits at La BoDrinkie. Saturday morning brought an early rise and getting ready for my trip to Dallas for Hava's bridal shower (the first of 3)! I only got lost like 3 times and arrived shortly after the party began. It was a nice little party, just the way Hava wanted it since it was being thrown by her sister, mother and future moth-in-law. My team won the toilet paper wedding dress competition thanks, in part, to my toilet paper rosettes. I know, you wish you had mad skills like me. After chilling at the Rollo's house for a while (where I discovered how much I love the other bridesmaids - Michelle, Wendy and Tracey). I met up with Sarah in Denton (got lost once). I love Sarah more every time I see her. She is just a cool gal, with good hair to boot! I had no idea she had such a flair for decorating, but her apartment looks fantastic. It's decorated perfectly for two single co-eds finishing up school. We had dinner at Red Lobster (so yummy), dessert at Beth Marie's (homemade egg-nog ice cream) and then it was party party party. We went to Gilley's in Dallas and yes, I conquered the mechanical bull! Okay, so I got thrown over it's horns after a few seconds...I still looked good while I stayed on and I think I stayed on longer than most. I feel sorry for those Dallas girls though because all the cowboys at the club that night were of the strictly urban variety. Why wear a cowboy hat if you can't even two step? I only slept about 5 hours before getting ready for Sunday. I took Sarah and her roomie Kathryn to a late breakfast at Cracker Barrel (mmm, blueberry pancakes). Afterwords I headed to Grapevine (got lost twice) to watch Hava get ready for her brial portraits and then we went to Las Colinas in Irving for the actual portraits. Of course my girl looked fabulous and it was more fun times with the other bridesmaids (except Michelle, who I missed). We ended the day with a wonderful dinner at Uncle Ira's in Plano (got lost once) where I got to partake in his unbelievable iced tea! That tea is so addictive it isn't even funny. I LOVE it! Then I drove home (no getting lost), slept all day Monday and was back at work Tuesday. I felt bad taking off Monday but I had this cold and sounded like a teenage boy going through puberty. It was just sad. I'm mostly better now. Now I can get on with the rest of my busy month. Tomorrow is my 4 year wedding anniversary and my Grandma's birthday. Friday we're actually celebrating my Grandma's birthday. We can finally give her the custom necklace and earrings I designed and had made for her. They are so pretty, I can't wait. Sunday is Catharine's baby shower which I am helping to host and then I can concentrate more on Hava's second bridal shower the weekend of the 19th. Then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then wedding! Whew!

Happy Halloween

I know you are all shocked at my two updates so close together. Try not to get used to it; it may not last. I have found a little extra time to update while I cover the front desk at work. That's an issue I can't even begin to express my frustration towards. However, I am not updating to complain, I'm updating to let you all know that I do indeed have a life and I went to the most fabulous Halloween party on Saturday. Being a little strapped for costume cash, I chose to go as an Urban Cowgirl. I looked cute as did my friend Jessica who was a beer wench and Clarise,who was "Nurse Goodbody." You can go to www.jimbouse.com. Click on pictures and then Halloween 2005. If you scroll through you'll find me posing with Dr. Mindy and her patient, Sam, and Jessica. Yes, I am making a dorky kissy face. At the time, I thought it would come out cuter. Eventually I hope to remember to send my pics to Jim so those can get posted too. There is a few of me doing my first shot block with a carebear - so funny! It was just all kinds of good times and Jess ended up knowing more people there than I did. I definitely vote Rainbow Bright, the Dominatrix and Heidi from Tool Time as the best costumes! Tonight is more Halloween celebration, but of the kiddie kind. I made Emi a poodle skirt and hopefully we can solicit a sufficient amount of compliments and candy. I am excited. Keep your fingers crossed that the rain will hold off until after 8:00 pm. Happy Spooking! J-

Have you missed me?

Hello hello! Actually, I don't know if I even have people who read my live journal anymore. It's so lively and all with my frequent updates and pictures etc. Life is pretty good right now. I still work with immature people but things seem to have gotten a little better the last few weeks. My favorite student, Clarise, quit and I miss her terribly. Really though, that was like a month ago. You know how it is when you get so behind in something that you stop doing it because it is impossible to ever get caught up? Oh well. We'll pretend that I update regularly and you all know exactly what is going on in my life. I spent almost all of this past weekend outside, which is so rare for me. Don't get too excited though, I didn't get any tanner. Jesse and I helped sod my parents new house. I can now tell people that I know how to sod a yard. I also know how badly a person hurts after leveling a yard and laying 8 palettes of sod. After we finished that Sarah and Emily and I went to our first Aggie football game of the season. Yay! I picked to go to the game we won! Poor Sarah drove four hours to help finish with the sodding in the hot afternoon sun. I felt so bad but we were so tired that we giggled the whole time we were together. Good times. Emi was so good too. She was an angel through the game so afterward we let her run around Kyle Field chasing her tennis ball. It was so cute! Her little steps are each so deliberate and she's such a trooper. Every time she falls (or runs into something and falls) she just gets up again without any crying. Sunday we went to our new little friend's house down the street. Lamar and Chad are really nice folks and their daughter, Emory, is such a trip. It is fun to watch the babies learn from each other. We tried to make homemade bubble from Dawn and water, but that didn't work out too well. Oh well, the girls hardly noticed. Emily has spent the last two days saying Bubos, which is adorable. I think I'll get a bottle to take with us to my grandparent's house tomorrow. I also heard from Ben this weekend. He has got some good stuff going for him in DC and called to tell me. It gave me a warm fuzzy. I hope it works out. Currently, I am wasting time because I am covering the front desk through lunch. We can never really seem to get it together with our student workers here. Sigh. I think that the people here might actually perform better under a more hands-on management, but that's just not Kevin's style. Since Kevin is easy-going I think a lot of the other management let things go undone because no-one is checking up on them or no upper management is complaining or something It's hard to describe, but everyone acts like things were better when the supervisors were more picky. Now that I've wasted time I had better try to be a little productive before I go to lunch. Hope everyone is getting some nice fall weather. Love, J-

Interest

1. books:
   Okay admit it..you loved Harry Potter too! Books are just awesome. I keep a list of books my friends mention in random conversation so I can pick them up later. Some day I will have a room with floor to ceiling windows, a fireplace, overstuffed furniture and hundreds hardback books.
2. buildings:
   I really like to look at buildings. I think architecture really says a lot about a town and a person. My favorite thing about my trip to Las Vegas this year was that no two casinos are built alike, inside or out and the attention to detail is amazing.
3. college:
   I am practically obsessed with college right now because I feel like a complete dummy half the time. A two-year degree just isn't cutting it so I am trying to get back into school. Hopefully though, as I am completing my Bachelors I won't be among the people casually talking about how they'll be making 70k upon graduation and that is a pretty good supplemental income. My husband and I make less than that together.
4. crafts:
   I'm a crafty mom. Scrapbooking and remaking antiques and sewing....all that good stuff. Hopefully Emily will be into that stuff too.
5. dance:
   I am a great dancer! Okay, not really. I do love to dance though. I wish I could take every type of dance lesson known to mankind. That's be cool.
6. desserts:
   Don't lie, you want to eat dessert first too. My sweet tooth is enormous! Cheesecake is definitely my favorite, but I find I've become picky.
7. movies:
   I'm too poor to actually go to the movies, but I do like them Cheesy romances, action comedies, dark comedies, super thought provoking. It's all good.

Sigh

I can't beleive I'm actually bored at work. Usually I have a lot to do, but doing payroll is the most life-sucking job ever. Seriously, on the weeks payroll is due I total numbers until my eyes hurt and my brain is numb. On weeks that payroll is not due, I am so tired of totaling numbers that I don't want to do anything. You seriously do not use your brain in this position. It is all adding and data entry. Tee only reason I keep making stupid mistakes is because I am in a hurry - just like all normal people who have to do second grade math I cannot wait until cross training is over and I can get back to my travel. Also, I secretly think Amy is sabotaging me. Well, now that al that is out, I feel a little better. Things seem to be going pretty well. Emily is a dream. She's so big now, with all her crawling and trying to feed herself and sometimes being cranky because she's getting new little teeth. She chatters all the time now that she's got the tubes in her ears. Being a mom is nice. This month promises to be pretty busy I feel like I have a real social life. I have been invited to two weddings and Jesse says we can go to both, so that's a treat. Yesterday I threw a little birthday party for my mom. Parties with my family are so boring - sit around for two hours with my parents and grandparents and eat cake and open presents. Whoopie. They seem to think that is nice, though This next weekend is Mother's Day so we'll do it all over again. That makes four events in one month. This year is my first official Mother's Day.I guess I should be excited, but seriously, Emily doesn't have a clue what's going on and it's not like she's going to to make me anything. It'll be cool when she is older and can make me some crazy macaroni art that's been spray painted gold or something. We have a paint your own ceramics place here in town and I think that kind of stuff is really cool. Someday Emi will be old enough to take so we can make a mug for her dad. That'll be awesome! I got my mom and Beth some really cool vases and I ordered my Grandma a beautiful flower arrangement. The arrangement is by this lady here in town and I recommend her to everyone in BCS. You can got to www.blissflowerstudio.com and see her stuff. It's really original. I even once had her do an arrangement and I flew it to MO for Jesse's grandmother when she was sick a few years back. I suppose I should be out of here by now. I'm really sort of milking the clock (which is bad) and my conscience is starting to get to me. Call your mothers, J-